Queen Power

When the Tiara Slips

2005-09-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

Queen Me Speaks ...

Adolescence was a painful time for me. As evidenced by an excerpt from Grab the Queen Power, not only did I lose my footing, I lost the very foundation of my strength. The solid ground I stood on when eight and nine eroded under my feet and pushed me off balance.

By 9th grade the new game consumed me. I was moving into the world of where boys and girls were different species, and girls were different from the children they had been. Always a great strategist, it didn’t take me long to figure out the rules, all with one intent—fit in. To be what my friends thought I should be. To never be, perish the thought, different. I didn’t even have to make a conscious choice about whether to play or not. I already knew to be loved and accepted I had to follow the rules. So I looked and listened, and with each new tidbit of information, I deleted some aspect of myself that was as wrong as my shoes.

I picked up my mask. I left behind the little girl who knew what she wanted, and became somebody I didn’t know. If you had asked me what was happening to me, I couldn’t have told you. I could barely comprehend the turmoil seething in me, or the shame when all of my choices seem destined to fail someone—my parents, or my friends, or the person I had been up until then.

At age fourteen I had essentially fallen asleep, like the sleeping princess Briar Rose in Grimm’s fairy tale. I had become the Princess seeking rescue and all the while trying with every piece of myself to go away—slip away in a deep, deep sleep. Once Briar Rose pricked her finger and the spell was cast on everyone within the castle, outside a great barricade of thorns sprang up, keeping all rescuers away. For me life was filled with thorns. To feel was painful. To love was painful. To need something from others was painful.

To be was painful.

Studies conducted by Harvard professor Carol Gilligan and Colby College professor Lyn Mikel Brown from 1986 to 1990 have revealed that something truly phenomenal happens to girls around adolescence. They undergo a gradual change in which they lose their feisty spirit, courage and willingness to speak out—qualities they had known in girlhood. Around this time their truth becomes silenced, held back. They become afraid of conflicts with males, because they know on some level that males hold the power. They become—perhaps forever—good little girls, settling into the clichés and limits imposed on their gender. So sleep begins.
—Sue Monk Kidd

Ah yes, I’m not the only one who struggled. Unfortunately, it’s more likely you’ll have a hard time finding the ones that didn’t. While reading School Girls by Peggy Orenstein, I again was reminded that maybe I have more healing to do. Maybe I have more to remember and to process before I am able to truly release and let go and ultimately help my daughter—a daughter nearing the crossroads. In the introduction, Peggy shared her experience.

She started by telling readers that there’s a completely different book she could write. “It would be about how, in spite of all of our success, in spite of the fact that we have attained the superficial ideal of womanhood held out to our generation, we feel unsure, insecure, inadequate.”

She further explains that her previous tendencies had been to use the “stick-your-head-in-the-sand” approach. Despite working with adolescents on a daily basis, she at first resisted thinking about her own experiences and intentionally did not examine the past. A little later in her narration she shared, “I wouldn’t look through it at thirteen, when I lowered my hand in math class, never to raise it again, out of a sudden fear that I might answer incorrectly and be humiliated. I wouldn’t look through it at sixteen when I winnowed forty pounds from my body, refusing food and binging on laxatives, eventually losing the ability to eat at all. I wouldn’t see it when I declined to try out for my college newspaper, even though I dreamed of becoming a journalist. Nor would I see it at twenty-one, when I became paralyzed during the writing of my senior thesis, convinced that my fraudulence was about to be unmasked. Back then, I went to my advisor and told her of the fears that were choking me.”

Her advisor, it turns out, gave a halfway decent answer—an answer that allowed her to move forward instead of backwards. The advisor said, “Don’t worry about it. All smart women feel that way.”

Ouch! Really? Is that the truth? It worked for Peggy. She accepted that piece of advice and continued on … completing her thesis and then by building a successful career in journalism. Peggy, turns out, worked through her pain and became successful despite it. Hey, that’s my story—and yep, it’s also the story of so many others.

Something stinks and it has been stinking for a long, long time. Our daughters, granddaughters, and all the girls we know who are on the verge of meeting themselves at the crossroads—the place where the transition from girl to woman begins—need our help and guidance. As mentioned in Grab the Queen Power…we can offer them assistance by first helping ourselves—by first remembering, forgiving, and then forgetting the pain.

From Grab the Queen Power:

Within us all is the power to shape and alter our culture and it is important that we do that while keeping in mind the desired result—finding the conditions under which most women flower and grow while providing the tools to become powerful, loving and spirited women …

Amen.

www.queenpower.com

Am I Okay?

2005-09-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares ...

The same questions follow every woman through girlhood and adolescence: Can I really do this? Will I get it right? Am I okay?

—Oprah Winfrey

Actually, I didn’t even know if I would make it to the other side (adulthood). And if I did make it, who would I be? Would I like the person that emerged on the opposite shore?

While researching for my upcoming book tentatively titled Raising Up Queens, I read the work of Lyn Mikel Brown and Carol Gilligan. In Meeting at the Crossroads, Brown, Gilligan and collaborators followed girls as they transitioned from ages 8 and 9 to fourteen or so. Not surprisingly, their words described my experience—the experience I wrote about in Grab the Queen Power: Live Your Best Life! Although sometimes explained in clinical speak while using words like “disassociate” or “relational crisis,” the girls they studied described me. If it described me, then it probably described you too.

Neeti, a girl featured in the book, transitioned from being an outspoken twelve-year-old girl to an ‘underground woman’—a woman who covered up her feelings to protect herself and to avoid hurting others. Each year, the researchers observed Neeti adapt and change, disassociate and remove herself from relationships. According to the authors, “She (Neeti) described this move in vivid detail and was aware of leading a double life—knowing and yet pretending not to know what she really felt and what was really happening in her relationships.”

Another ‘problem’ adolescent girls seem to face more than their male peers, is the need to be perfect or play the good girl role.

Interestingly, Neetie understood that she was not perfect and that being perfect was an unattainable goal even though her comments to interviewers told a different story. Another subject Liza, at age fifteen, asked the therapists: “I would just like to know from you as a psychologists or people with that kind of degree, is there such a thing as a person who is not necessarily perfect but who has everything together all the time? Not appears to be, just does mentally, psychologically? Is there such a person? Is that possible?”

Of course, it’s not possible. Of course not! But how many of us spent so much of our lives trying to be the perfect girl? The good girl? Why did we expend the energy? And whom were we trying to please?

At the end of the study, female teachers at the Laurel School, the school the girls attended, had to ask themselves difficult questions. Led by Patricia L. Hall, psychologist and former Dean of Students for the school, the women attended three retreats to address the problems presented by the study. Patricia shared with researchers:

“It was first with a sense of shock and then a deep, knowing sadness that we listened to the voices of the girls tell us that it was the adult women in their lives that provided the models for silencing themselves and behaving like ‘good little girls.’” And after processing their ‘sadness’ and ‘remorse,’ the women realized something important. “Unless we, as grown women, were willing to give up all the ‘good little girl’ things we continued to do and give up our expectation that the girls in our charge would be as good as we were, we could not successfully empower young women to act on their own knowledge and feelings. Unless we stopped hiding in our expectations of goodness and control, our behavior would silence any words to girls about speaking in their own voice.”

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. It’s really true! We must start with ourselves first before we can help our girls. Oh my. I tell you that I’m not playing the ‘good little girl’ role anymore. At least, compared to how I used to play it, I’m not. But still there’s a small voice that whispers to me, “You are still playing.” And the voice also whispers that the eyes of a very impressionable eight-year-old daughter are watching, learning.

Being angry or experiencing discord still feels wrong or bad. I don’t like it. I’m not comfortable expressing my truest feelings to others, especially if they hurt someone’s feelings or make someone mad. Good girls don’t act out. Good girls don’t say things that will be hurtful to others or make others mad. They don't say what they really mean. They don’t. They simply don’t. I don’t.

So for me, it’s about coming to grips with myself each and every day. By doing so, I will help my daughter navigate adolescence—what Mary Pipher refers to as a hurricane for unsuspecting girls.

Most girls recover from adolescence. It’s not a fatal disease, but an acute condition that disappears with time. While it’s happening…nobody looks strong. From the vantage point of high school, strong girls can tell their stories, but in junior high, they have no perspective. It’s impossible to have much perspective in a hurricane.
—Mary Pipher

To change the course for our daughters, nieces, granddaughters, or girls in general, we must fully come to grips with ourselves. We must recognize where we are still falling under a spell. As Brown and Gilligan tell us: “Women have to experience the present as different from the past—to feel that now we are not without power or all alone.”

Okay, I’m listening.

www.queenpower.com
disclaimer

The Wynonna Judd Way (Weigh)

2005-08-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares ...

I was reading a magazine yesterday—Good Housekeeping—and it featured an interview with Wynonna Judd. Seeing the feature, I purchased the magazine at the grocery store. You see I happened to see the Oprah show where Wynonna shared her agony, shame, and frustration over her weight. And then (sorry Oprah), I missed the follow-up show. So, I never KNEW what happened. Did she lose weight? What?

Oh joy! This magazine had the answers. Yes, she lost weight. She claims about 20 pounds. Wynonna wants to lose more, but isn't stressing about it (she swears). Instead she's attempting to live a healthy life—by making better choices and getting to the bottom of her 'emotional' eating habits. So, good for Wynonna. You go girl! I wish you the best.

Now, what about me? Wah! This excess weight issue has plagued me since 8th grade. Sad, huh? And just like Caroline Knapp (remember last week’s blog?)—until nine years ago—my views were warped! In 2005, my views are no longer warped. It’s reality. I need to shed some weight.

So what happened nine years ago? Yep, I got pregnant. Pre-pregnancy, I worked out regularly. Although not completely happy with my physical appearance at the time, for the most part, I felt comfortable in my own skin.

Now, I don’t. Yuck. It all started because I found this book titled: Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy. Darn it! I believed the author when she said, “Girlfriend. Stop exercising! Don’t worry about it. Hey, I’m your girlfriend and I’ve had five babies. I know what I’m talking about. As soon as you get that little baby out of you, you can return to exercise. Really. I mean it.” That day I stopped. And I never “returned to it” like she promised I would. Sorry, girlfriend, but buying your book destroyed my life. Well, okay, so I’m exaggerating a little.

After dropping my fifteen-year-old exercise habit, I couldn’t find my way back to it. Oh, not too long ago I picked up tennis again. And, well, that most certainly helped a little. But playing tennis two to three times a week (or less) will not do anything for weight loss or maintenance efforts. I know. I’ve tried it for five years!

Did I tell you I threw out my scales last month? I decided ... NO MORE. Actually, my dearly departed scales stopped working. Don't laugh; I never owned the digital kind. Ha! It had actually reached the point where I could trick myself and adjust the setting a little. “See, I still weigh what I did last week. See?”

But at the moment I stepped on my broken-down scales, I had an epiphany. And girlfriend here’s what You should have been telling me nine years ago. Why weigh? Who cares what you weigh? Weighing makes NO sense. None.

Let’s get real. When you try on your clothes in the morning, aren’t you more concerned with how they fit? Weight is such an arbitrary thing. Line up three women weighing 165 pounds and you’ll have a range of sizes (height, width, muscle mass). It makes much more sense to focus on the size you are comfortable wearing. Doesn’t it?

So when did I most enjoyed wearing clothes? Yep, that would be nine years ago—and two sizes smaller than I am now. My scale had no way of telling me what size I felt comfortable wearing. So, I chunked it and swore NOT to replace it. And I haven't. The only obstacle left to face is at the doctor's office! Well, look out Doc! I'm going to throw a fit if you insist that I weigh. I started playing tough about three years ago (at the doctor’s office). But it was all talk. Never have I refused to weigh even though I practiced refusing all the way to the weigh-in checkpoint. Why did a doctor’s scale bother me more than my own scale? Are you kidding me? The doctor’s scale lies! Always! The doctor’s scale added five to seven pounds to my frame. Well, I’m not playing anymore—not this time sisters. I don’t do scales anymore. And Doc, if you want to know how I’m doing weight wise, then ask what size clothes I wear—see if I’m wearing the same size I did last year. Heck, check the label when I’m not looking if you have to.

Now, just so you know, this tale does have a happy ending. Well, at least I’m heading towards one. Obviously, I still wear a size I don’t like. So, what am I doing about it? Besides playing tennis one to three times weekly, I’ve added walking to my routine. Lordy, why didn’t I think of this sooner? It’s so easy to do. Cheap too. I can’t tell you why I suddenly decided to do something more, but I did. I’m ready to take charge and make changes. Those changes involve regular exercise and attention to what I’m eating. Dieting doesn’t work for me. It makes me mad and angry. I feel deprived and frustrated. Funny, that I did something on and off for nine years that made me feel bad. Anyway, I’m not dieting. Instead I’m focusing on making healthier choices—like Wynonna. There is nothing off limits—just a time and a place and a portion.

I have no idea if I’ll ever return to my previous size. This time I’m not making myself empty promises. What I am promising myself is that I’ll be in better shape and health. And that’s a promise I’m planning to keep.

While reading the article about Wynonna, I had to laugh. Turns out Wynonna chunked her scale too. She wants to start a scale-chunking movement. I like this woman. Mine is already gone. What about yours? Join me! We are sisters. We are Queens! We are scale-less. Come on. Why wait? Throw that sucker away.
It feels too good!

www.queenpower.com

Beyond Bad Hair

2005-08-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares ...

I love to walk into a bookstore and then wait for a book to find me. And you know, 'it' always does.

On this particular trip with hubby and daughter in tow, a book titled The Merry Recluse caught my attention. The book is a compilation of mostly reprints from a weekly column written by the late Carolyn Knapp in the Boston Phoenix. I first experienced Caroline's work when I read Appetites: Why Women Want. Caroline, like Anne Lamont of Traveling Mercies (another favorite author) shares openly the chapters of her life. I mean, she tells it all—good, bad and the ugly, and everything in-between. Caroline had so many demons, but the ones that tormented her the most were food and alcohol. Eventually, Caroline died of cancer in 2002. She was only 42 years old.

The other day, one essay grabbed my attention. Actually, she intended to make us laugh with this one. But as I read it, I wasn't laughing because I could see pain in those words—for me, for her, and for so many women. In “Beyond Bad Hair: Thin Lips, Square Breasts, and Other Horrors” Caroline shares the things that plague most women. She claims having a bad hair day is the least of our worries.

The introduction to this article centers on her weight. On this day, she felt LARGE. Although I certainly can sympathize with her ramblings—heck, I've had plenty of LARGE days myself (as recent as this week)—I can't take her views on weight seriously. This woman weighed less than 110 pounds at her heaviest and thought people who ate corn on the cob were gross. What’s the matter with corn on the cob? I love corn on the cob! And as I muttered under my breath about Caroline's perception of her weight, I knew that I owned her problem (even if in a smaller way). Oh, I have sooooo many feeling LARGE days and even though I could be thinner (YES!), they are mostly unjustified.

She shared plenty of other examples with us:

*Why-are-these-pants-pinching-me-around-the-waist Day. (Been there, done that.)
*My-lips-are-too-thin Day. (Can’t say that I own that one.)
*Since-when-have-my-pores-been-so-cavernous Day. (Oh, yes … definitely been there.)

Although I don't have all the same thoughts or moments, I do understand what she's saying. And I bet that most women reading her book, or this blog, do too.

My recent beyond-bad-hair-day moments go something like this...

*Oh-no-this-is-a-face-swollen-eyes-puffy-morning Day
*My-shorts-fit-tighter-today-than-yesterday Day
*Where-did-those-new-wrinkles-come-from Day
*Oh-my-I-now-have-gray-hair-growing-on-my-arms Day (That happened yesterday.)

Probably the one that did make me laugh was Caroline’s mention of the: Oh-no-I-missed-a-patch-of-hair-on-my-knee Day. Okay, so I seem to have more of those days than I care to mention. Yikes!

And then it slaps me right in the face ... and Caroline has the perfect ending to it all. "God, it's hard to be a girl!" Amen, Caroline. Amen.

It is hard to be a girl. I'm ready to play another game now. So here's to trying especially hard to put this beyond-bad-hair thinking to rest. Really, I'm not listening anymore. Of course, as I process this and think about it all, I realize that all these thoughts go back to the lesson I’m still obviously working on—ditching my attachment to the opinion of others. Reading about Caroline’s addictions, I realize that in some shape or form my inability to not care what others think is also debilitating. It’s an emotional addiction and one I am determined to break.

Yep, it’s hard to be a girl, but today it just got a whole lot easier. And I’ll be the first to admit I’m SO not there yet, but baby, I’m getting closer with each passing day. Now, that’s something to celebrate.

www.queenpower.com

Goodbye Old Tapes

2005-08-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares …

Okay, so I’ve pretty much given up worrying about the opinions of others. Right? Hmmmmm. Yes, last week I had a few tests and passed with flying colors. But then, I had a visitor. The visitor came to my house. The visitor was kind, loving, and warm. The visitor, I perceived, accepted me without judgment.

But still those old tapes played. And still, I attempted to interpret how she ‘thought’ of me. Oh my, that little voice spoke to me throughout the visit, continually reminding me that she might be judging me and it was my job to make sure she liked me. And darn it, I played along too. I didn’t realize what I had done until she left. Yikes! Ouch! And then it really hit me. Dang it. I’m not ‘over’ this. Who cares if she thought I took care of my dogs correctly? Or loved them enough? Who cares if she didn’t like that I drank diet coke? Who cares if she didn’t like that my daughter watched TV while we talked? Who cares? Who cares? At the moment, I did. Wah. And here’s what I must ask myself. Why?

Of course, I had to consider something else too. Who am I to presume that I could read her mind? Really? Who am I to believe that I could actually ‘perceive’ what she needed, wanted, or expected from me unless she expressed it? I bet if I asked this woman what she really thought, she’d give a completely different perspective. Hey, maybe she focused on the color of my walls. Hated them. Liked them. Or, maybe she thought my dogs were very lucky. Heck, maybe I even guessed right the first time. Maybe I really am psychic about these things? Or, maybe I’m lucky?

It doesn’t matter. It simply doesn’t matter. What matters is that we are all okay, as we are at the moment. Here’s my new announcement. Take me or leave me. This pleasant woman and I might continue to communicate and we might not. Who cares? If it serves us both, we will.

Now, I ‘see’ something. So I feel compelled to attempt another transformation. I will work to tune out the voice that harps in my ear about what someone likes or doesn’t like. I will make a concerted effort to create new tapes. I hereby pledge to trust that I am okay even if I’m second-guessing myself. I pledge to accept and believe that I am magnificent just as I am. Hmmmmm. I’m feeling the need to celebrate.

www.queenpower.com

What People Have Known Since Time Began

2005-08-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares ...

I’m not sure how many of you know this, but I’m researching another topic. Yep, there’s a second book in the making here. This book will be written for the parents of adolescent girls. So now I’m delving into all the books that will help me ‘come to grips’ with guiding a healthy adolescent to the best years of her life.

As I walked up and down the aisles at Hastings recently, a book grabbed my attention. The book, Letters to a Young Therapist, was written by Mary Pipher, author of the bestselling book Reviving Ophelia. Reviving Ophelia informed us about ‘American’s girl-poisoning culture’ and made a significant impact in the field.

Going along with my belief that our culture does more harm than good, I immediately found Mary’s words resonating:

“I have always viewed mental health problems as related to the broader environment. Depression, anxiety, domestic violence, and drug and alcohol abuse, not to mention hyperactive children and eating disorders, arise from our deeply dysfunctional culture.”

She continues along by adding, “How can we expect people to be happy when they don’t know their neighbors, see their extended families, or have time for naps on Sunday afternoons … Our culture makes us sick, physically and emotionally.”

She reasons that therapists and those in the helping fields have basically ignored how our culture impacts us negatively. Pipher mentions “meaningless jobs, long commutes, sterile suburbs and fears of poverty, war, violence and environmental catastrophes.” And she says we continue to overlook “what people have known since time began: Life makes most of us unhappy.”

Yikes!

So how do we fix it? Do we have answers? Too many of us struggle with one or more of the symptoms mentioned by Mary.

But as we seek and search, we begin to find answers to the mystery. We begin to unplug from our culture and create our own space to grow and prosper. There’s no magic pill or formula and it usually takes work—lessons to learn, life to live.

Maybe the most important thing to realize is that you are not alone in your struggles. If ‘life makes most of us unhappy,’ then you are in good company. Seek those who seem to be happy despite life and you’ll start finding your answers.

www.queenpower.com

Trying to Let Go!

2005-07-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares ...

Just so you'll know what I'm about to talk about, I'm repeating something I wrote in the July 20th issue of the Queen-zine. If you read this essay last week, then skip down to the heading in purple.

Queen-zine, July 20th, 2005
I have a question for you: What does it feel like to not worry or fret about the opinion of others? In Grab the Queen Power, I encourage you to stop this practice. Personally, I've been working on it for years. Do you want to know if I have completely mastered it? Nope. Nada. NO! As hard as I try, I still find myself giving others the power to influence how I feel.

Recently, I had yet another opportunity to try to get to the bottom of this—meaning, someone had an opinion and, well, let's just say, they felt compelled to share not-so-nice things.

Okay, so here's what I did. I fretted and worried. Oh dear, that's not how I had planned to handle the situation. Then it hit me. I didn't know what that felt like—you know, not caring what other people think. Yep, intellectually I got it. Sure. But to practice it. To live it. I really didn't know.

So then, I thought about the times I really didn't care. Typically, the opinions of a complete stranger or those who love me the most don't hurt me as much. I throw in the "one's that love me the most" because we're on safe ground. They might not like something or express a negative, but basically I’m not worried about damaging the relationship. I'm most impacted when it involves a personal attack from friends, other family members, or someone who knows someone. Typically it's something that involves pride and/or the opinion I hold of myself. You know, your reputation. Lordy, that bag holding my reputation is really heavy to pull around sometimes. Well, slap me silly now. It also has to do with wanting so badly to play the "good girl" part. Oh, am I really still wrestling with this?

While having this conversation with myself, it dawned on me that I do know what it feels like to not care about the opinions of others. It feels light, airy. It feels good. As I continue to shed the part of me that cares, I am beginning to understand more fully that your reputation is what Wayne Dyer said in his book The Power of Intention: “Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others.” He goes on to tell us that we have no control over the mind of someone else. What they think is what they think. Dr. Dyer explains further, “Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you.” Sounds like I can drop that heavy old wornout bag now.

I'm ready to believe this. I am ready to feel this. I am ready to live this. While driving from Mississippi back to Oklahoma, my daughter and I chatted about many things. I decided to ask her thoughts on the issue and said, "Addy how do you not worry about the opinion of others?" Although I haven't been able to fully participate in this concept, something has worked for Addy. She doesn't have this problem. Whew! So here's what my wise eight-year-old daughter told me, "Mom, that's easy. Find something bigger and better to think about." And to think, my attempts seemed so complicated!

Okay, Addy. Your way is now my way. Promise.

You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, then you’re abdicating (handing over) yourself. —Wayne Dyer

I know Wayne. I hear you too. I'm ready. Universe, bring it on!

Now, for what's left to say.

Once you put stuff out there like this, you know proclaim that you are completely cured of what ails you ... don't you expect to be tested? Sure you do. And I did. But I purposely ignored my tendency to fret about it and as the days grew into a week, I realized that maybe I really am residing in a new place. What I thought would bother me (my tempest in a teapot) did not. Everytime I thought about that irksome situation, I could quickly divert my attention. I, without much effort, could let it go. What was happening outside myself really wasn't impacting me.

The old Allyn would have been very bothered by this. VERY bothered! Oh no, what will the neighbors think? (I'm using 'the neighbors' figuratively here and actually mean all those people I care about.) But the new, improved me (okay, so I've improved this aspect ... so many more improvements to go:) is okay about it. Really. Breathing deeply, I can say to myself: "Yep, it's okay. It's how things were supposed to happen. If it's not your lesson anymore, maybe it's someone else's lesson." Whew! What a relief. Someone or even a group of people have an opinion and that opinion does not impact me.

In Barbara Bellismo's book, Become Your Own Great and Powerful (http://www.seasonsofsuccess.com/greatandpowerful.html), she shares a dream told by D. Kay Malone. Kay describes herself a 'recovering lawyer' who now uses her many talents to transform ordinary nonprofits into viable operations. Kay (the recovering lawyer) shared a dream to make a point about a major transition in her life. In the dream, Kay is an alien searching for villians who destroyed a mining outpost. At a key point in the dream, Kay (the alien) turns to her traveling companion and says, "I'll just be a few minutes, there's something I have to do." She disappears and after struggling and making some pretty weird noises, she suddenly reappears. Her companion sees her toss aside a bundle of something and asks her what it was.

Kay replies: "My old skin."

Wait, hold on a minute before I make my closing point, there's something I must go do.

Okay, I'm back. Well, alrighty! I feel so much better, and yes, free. This new skin feels comfortable. And as Kay (the recovering lawyer) shared with us in the book: "It felt good to shed my skin. I made a promise to myself to do it regularly for the rest of my life."

Me too, Kay. Me too.

Now back to my daughter's advice ... Yep, I'm off to think about bigger and better things.

Old Home Week

2005-06-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares ...

I had so much fun being in Lubbock, TX this weekend.

In addition to two book signings and a presentation. I spent time with dear old friends. My first night there, I attended the Buddy Holly Summerfest. And what fun that was. My friend, Jane Piercy and I listened to a great band from Austin, TX (Two Tons of Steel--http://www.twotons.com). On Saturday, I met a favorite former boss, Maggie. We laughed way too much and well, again, I think were way too loud:).

I played tennis, attended a wedding, ate at my favorite restaurants and so much more.

What I will cherish the most, is all the support my old friends gave me. Thank you. I miss you:).

And bummer. I planned to post pictures for you of the book signings. I will, but need more time. I'll do that on the website or in future queen-zines.

www.queenpower.com

Powerful Queens!

2005-06-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

Your experience can become a road map for countless others to follow. Today, you’ll find stories from powerful Queens compiled by Donna Warner.

Once upon a time there lived a powerful queen . . .

EXPERIENCE

My prior experiences helped me discover my own personal limits and expectations. Prior work experiences helped me eliminate things and a lifestyle I wanted to avoid. I realized that working away from home and my new daughter was not where I wanted to be. Seeing and being in a confined cramped office was not the way I wanted to spend my days.
—Cara Sonnier

I have worked in secretarial work of some kind since I was about 14. When I went to college, I obtained an Associate Degree in Office Systems Technology. It just seemed natural to begin my own secretarial business.
—Karen McKay

My two businesses were things I felt really comfortable with; things I felt I was good at.
—Karen McKay

My prior experience as a writer helped me to know the ins and outs of business and to know what type authors and manuscripts to look for. I majored in English in college so that helped with editing. Also, I speed read which is what helped me devour the books I needed to learn how to set up the company and keep it running.
—Dawn R. Carrington

FUNDING THE LIFE YOU LOVE

Make sure you have at least six months worth of expenses in the bank before you take the leap. My leap was taken for me when my boss decided he needed someone full-time (I was only working part-time because of my injuries). So it was very scary knowing I only had two months worth of expenses in the bank, but bit by bit, I see more and more going into my account, and there’s no doubt in my mind I’m going to make it.
—Dawn R. Carrington

I’m a frugal and simple person by nature. I barter for things I need (advertising, press releases, cooking tools) with chocolate chip cookies or brownies. I reinvested my profits to pay for online advertising, sponsoring contests or other websites, as well as local print ads. I didn’t go into debt to start this business, after all I wanted to make money, not pay back loans.
—Cara Sonnier

…. My friends and I shared the costs, so although the business did require a financial investment, it was easier when four people were splitting the costs. Starting a publishing company isn’t a walk in the park. There are business fees, fees for forming a corporation, the purchase of ISBNs, website creation, up date and maintenance, etc. Shared, the costs weren’t minimal.
—Dawn R. Carrington

SUPPORT

Is there any one thing you can point to that was absolutely critical to your success? Persistence and family support. Also a lot of prayer and a lot of great customers!
—Karen McKay

Having people who believe in you can make a huge difference in how you feel about your business venture. It can give you us the added boost you need to keep moving forward towards success.
—Gwen Morrison

I received a lot of help from books. I now have over thirty books about publishing, marketing, running a small business, etc. I did a lot of reading. And as (the) financial (situation) goes, my friends and I carried the expenses ourselves. We didn’t want to go into debt, and so far, so good.
—Dawn R. Carrington

We all need someone to lean on who had “been there, done that,” when starting a new business. It can save you lots of time, energy, and most importantly, money.
—Gwen Morrison

I have learned so much from other generous women online willing to share free resources or suggesting good reading materials. I find that networking with women in my market niche is a great benefit. Resources like Internet Based Moms (http://www.internetbasedmoms.com) have been a great assistance in being online. My husband has been a great moral support and often suggests great ideas. And my children, of course, are my inspirations.
—Cara Sonnier

BUSINESS ADVICE

Overall, my advice to anyone who is considering starting her own business is to do the research. Whatever area you are considering, do your homework before hanging the sign on your door. Know your competitors inside and out. Find a way to market yourself as a unique entity so as not to minimize the comparisons that will occur. Be organized, especially if you have a family. Don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Growing pains are inevitable in those first few years; learn from them.
—Gwen Morrison

I could go fast and explode with lots of advertising and orders, but I choose to grow slowly and not sacrifice the needs of my children, their education or my husband. After all, without them, the money wouldn’t mean a thing.
—Cara Sonnier

Another mistake I made was allowing personal friendships to interfere with business decisions. When you run a business, you have to always think of it as business.
—Dawn R. Carrington

Most things you need to know about business can be found by asking questions, reading or talking to the small business development center in your area. Don’t decide to use a service based on a flashy website or description. Get other perspectives, ask of opinions on services and don’t rush into anything.
—Cara Sonnier

What has been your biggest challenge in running your own business? Learning all the minuscule details you need to know to stay afloat. Liabilities, assets, expenditures, taxes, credits, dues, etc. EEEK.
—Dawn R. Carrington

What has been your biggest frustration in running your business? My expectations. I’m a very motivated and driven person so I’ve had to learn that successes come in small packages.
—Dawn R. Carrington

MARKETING

I do a lot of searching on the web checking out other businesses and I advertise in our local paper. Our local paper did an article on my two businesses, at my request, and that really helped to get the word out.
—Karen McKay

Learn the art of marketing. That’s what put Vintage Romance Publishing in front of the public. We’ve never been afraid to talk about our company, to give presentations, send out marketing materials and stand in front of a crowd of people and talk about our successes. If you don’t promote yourself and your company, who will?
—Dawn R. Carrington

My customers are wonderful about referring me to their friends and family. Word of mouth works wonders!!!
—Karen McKay

I’ve lost count of the number of forums and groups I’m on, and until recently Vintage Romance Publishing was a member of Publishers’ Marketing association (forgot to renew LOL). I’m always out in the community talking about our company, talking to libraries, distributors and bookstores. Word of mouth is one of the biggest marketing tools a businessperson has.
—Dawn R. Carrington

Promotion is a not a sprint but a marathon. As any coach knows, you start training slowly and build up steam.
—Carolyn Howard Johnson, Excerpt from the FRUGAL BOOK PROMOTER

MAKING MONEY

If you break it all down to the number of hours you may put into a business, and figure out what you’re being paid, it probably won’t be pretty in those first few years. That’s typical of any business. If you have a passion for what you are doing (and there’s someone who can put food on the table!), then it’s all worth it.
—Gwen Morrison

I definitely make less money working for myself than working for someone else, but the time I get to pursue personal pleasures and education outweighs the weekly paycheck. We all make trade-offs. You either trade your time at a job for money in the bank—or you trade money in the bank for more time at home.
—Cara Sonnier

The financial rewards do not compare with the rewards of getting to be at home with our daughter, Laine. That rewards reaps many, many more benefits.
—Karen McKay

DO IT!! There are a lot of resources on the computer that are helpful. It’s truly not hard to do at all. You can decide one day that you want to do your business and, in a lot of cases, start it the same or next day! I would suggest that if you’re relying on the income from your outside-of-the-home job, please remember that your starting income might not match it at first. You may want to continue working until you feel confident and financially secure with the income from your own business. That’s what I did and it was a great way to go.
—Karen McKay

BALANCE

Don’t work all the time. Even if you take thirty minutes and read a book, listen to music or just stare out the window, take a break from it or you will burn out very quickly.
—Gwen Morrison

I try to take all things in stride, deliveries being misplaced, or delayed shipments. When things get overwhelming I know it’s time for me to de-stress and balance things out. Accepting the fact that stress happens helps me when it actually does. There are times when I’m not happy—but most of the time it’s due to working too much and not having any down time to create, breathe or just be.
—Cara Sonnier

I feel the company takes precedent right now, but I manage to hang on to my balance by taking time for myself on the weekends. I have established working hours for Vintage Romance and established writing hours for myself. The weekends are mine to do whatever I want to do. Spend it with friends, go shopping, work on crafts, anything like that. If I want to write, I do, but I will not work on the company on weekends. That’s my own time.
—Dawn R. Carrington

FINDING THE LIFE YOU LOVE

I don't know where my business will be in five or ten years, but I do know that I will be doing something that I love. I am the kind of person who enjoys change. I have been a writer for many years but that has taken me from freelance writer to assistant editor to editor to publisher. Now I'm not really sure what's next but I'm always open to exploring new pathways to build on my skills as a writer. I have worn a lot of hats and sometimes you have to do that to find out which one is just the right fit.
—Gwen Morrison

Live your passions! What are you excited about? What would you enjoy doing even when you are sick, not-in-the-mood or just having an off day? When you can answer these questions then research and read all you can about that specific area. If you don’t feel comfortable being self-employed right away—try working with or for someone else.
—Cara Sonnier

Do something that you LOVE!! I greatly enjoy secretarial work and gift-wrapping. I love being a stay-at-home mom, too. If you’re wanting to come home from your outside-the-home job, YOU CAN DO IT!! It just takes determination and discipline.
—Karen McKay

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life is short. It really is. Have fun with what you are doing. Running your own business can be very stressful. Be sure to take stock in “why” you started the venture in the first place. And remember that it began with a dream and in order to have the dream fulfilled, there will be ups and downs. Keep a harness on you at all time during the climb, and when you’re coasting, be sure to wave your arms high in the air and enjoy the ride!
—Gwen Morrison

SUCCESS

I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and have my own business. Now it’s all rolled into one.
—Karen McKay

Believing in yourself is critical to success, no matter what business you are in. In order for any business to be successful there must be a belief that anything is possible. That can often be difficult for small business owners or freelance writers because you don't have anyone patting you on the back at every turn. You have to be your biggest cheerleader. When you believe in yourself, others will believe in you.
—Gwen Morrison

…Failure is not an option. If you want something badly enough, you can make it happen no matter how many obstacles life throws in the way. I’ve had health problems galore over the past eight years, and yet, here I sit living the first part of my dream.
—Dawn R. Carrington

My youngest son would tell people that I “emailed people all day,” but the first time my children saw my name on a magazine, I think that was it. They understood that I was indeed a mom who worked from home—on top of the fact that I was still the mom who made the beds, helped with homework, took them to the dentist and so on (but we won’t get into that…).
—Gwen Morrison

If you could do anything, what would it be? Exactly what I'm doing now. I love it!
—Karen McKay

It’s always a bonus to me when I get something done that others said couldn’t get done. For instance, a well-known newspaper never reviews small press books. The author tried and tried to get them to review her book, but they kept refusing. So I contacted the book editor and managed to talk him into reviewing the book. The author was so thrilled, and that’s exciting to me.
—Dawn R. Carrington

I’ve learned anything is possible if you want it bad enough. I also learned that operating your own business involves a lot more manpower hours than I had expected.
—Gwen Morrison

Where do you see yourself and your business 5 years from now? 10 years? I see nothing but growth and success. In order to have success, you must believe that success is obtainable.
—Karen McKay

Having our voice heard is more important than selling books.
Having our voice heard is sharing our soul.
—Carolyn Howard Johnson, Excerpt from THE FRUGAL BOOK PROMOTER and originally from MyShelf.com Back to Literature column

Meet the contributing QUEENS …

Dawn Rachel Carrington is a multi-published author of fantasy and paranormal romance, the editor of Vintage Romance Publishing and a freelance editor. She resides on the East Coast near the ocean which provides the perfect backdrop for working at home.
www.vrpublishing.com www.dawnrachel.com

Carolyn Howard-Johnson’s first novel, This is the Place, has won eight awards. Her second book, Harkening: A Collection of Stories Remembered, creative nonfiction, won three. Her fiction, nonfiction and poems have appeared in national magazines, anthologies and review journals. She speaks on Utah’s culture, tolerance and other subjects and has appeared on TV and hundreds of radio stations nationwide. She is an instructor for UCLA Extension’s world-renown Writers’ Program and her new book The Frugal Book Promoter: How to Do What Your Publisher Won’t was named USA Book News’ “Best Professional Book 2004," and her new chapbook of poetry, Tracings, will be released fall of 2005. She is the recipient of the California Legislature’s Woman of the Year in Arts and Entertainment Award. She loves to travel and has studied at Cambridge University in the United Kingdom; Herein University in St. Petersburg, Russia; and Charles University, Prague. She admits to carrying a pen and journal with her wherever she goes. www.carolynhowardjohnson.com.

Paula Lovgren lives in Minnesota with her husband and two children. She is a former blackjack dealer, retail manager and marketing minion who is now realizing her genuine life as a mother, a writer, an avid gardener and a rabid basketball fan.
www.logicsoptional.blogspot.com

Karen McKay, at-home businesses owner, lives with her husband, Brad and their 16-month-old daughter, Laine, in north central Mississippi. She is a stay-at-home, working mom and the owner of Secretary by Design www.secretarybydesign.com & Wrap It Up www.wrapitup2004.com

Gwen Morrison is a writer and mom of four. Her work has been published in national magazines, regional publications, newspapers and online. Originally from Canada, Gwen now lives outside Atlanta where she is busy at work on her second book. Gwen is also the publisher of a regional magazine, Georgia Lifestyles magazine. Gwen's first novel, "Ivy," will be available later this year. To check out Gwen’s work visit: www.inetvacation.com, www.georgialifestylesmagazine.com, www.gwenmorrison.com
www.lemonmeringuepie.blogspot.com

Cara Sonnier
The Dessert BoxDelectable desserts delivered to your door! www.thedessertbox.com

www.queenpower.com

More on Friends!

2005-05-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares ...

The topic of friends continues to be a 'hot' thread on our forums. To see what I mean go check out the additional thoughts and ideas that others have added.
(http://queenme.forumco.com/topic~TOPIC_ID~391.asp).

And there is more ...

Have you ever had a friendship go sour? Sure you have. We all have. While finishing Grab the Queen Power I started thinking about old friends. Not one to confront, hold a grudge or be insulted, friends usually drift out of my life due to logistical issues—like distance. Another reason former friends and I part ways is change—meaning the “things” that initially brought us together no longer serve one or both of us.

Not too long ago, I found some interesting words written by author, Stuart Wilde. “Don’t suck on people emotionally or intellectually.” More recently in my life, I have become a little more selective about who my friends are. Quite frankly, I’m looking for women that inspire, motivate and energize me. If I find myself in the company of someone that does the opposite, I’m typically out of there, and how! Something else Mr. Wilde said resonated: “When you lean psychologically or emotionally on people or toward them, it’s a sure sign of insecurity. It makes others feel uncomfortable. They resent the weight you are laying on them, and they will react by denying you.”

Okay, admittedly, I have been on both sides of the fence. Now, I tend to be on the far side . . . the one that tucks tail and runs to avoid an energy drain. Here's where I've had trouble in the past. In an effort to not be troublesome or needy, I usually didn't lean enough. And still I resist asking for help. But, I'm learning. I'm also learning to help others without worrying about being sucked into something messy or unwanted. Yep, I risk getting 'sucked' in, but the difference now is that I am comfortable moving on when something is no longer working. And no, I'm not a 'love them and leave them' kind of friend. It's just that I am not willing to hang on till the end if it is at the expense of my well-being. I also finally realize that making a stand like this has nothing to do with being selfish. Whew!

Going back to the forums thread about friendship ... I have been most interested in this thread. I've talked about this before, but, I went through a period of time where I didn't have close friends who lived close to me. Oh, I was able to connect with people at work, but still I yearned for something deeper. Reading a thread like this would have been comforting to me because while experiencing my 'no-friend' times, I thought I was odd or strange. I was alone. Reading this thread tells me that I was not!

And then, reading this thread makes me wish that we understood how to travel by the speed of light--you know, that we could go have lunch with someone in Atlanta even though we live in Oklahoma. And then the two of us (one from Atlanta and one from OK) could hop over to Mississippi and meet up with a gal that lives in the Mississippi Delta because, via cyberspace, I have found so many interesting women that seem to have similar interests, but they live so far away! And one more thing that comes to mind is ... how common this friendship issue is. No, I wasn't alone, but now realizing that so many women struggle with this makes me sad. I do hope that as Queen Power grows, we can play a role in helping women connect in their geographical location.

Yep, friends ... you gotta have them!

www.queenpower.com

The Friends Topic Will NOT Go Away

2005-05-18T13:33:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Well, you just got to have friends. Today I'm going to refer you to our Queen Power forums. There is a really interesting thread running over there about the need for friends and how difficult it is for women to form close relationships in their middle years.

http://queenme.forumco.com/topic~TOPIC_ID~391.asp

Queen Power
www.queenpower.com

Good Opinion of Others

2005-05-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Every now and then I pick up Marianne Williamson’s new book The Gift of Change. And I always find something inspirational to share. Here’s what she had to say about the opinions of others:

Other people can think what they want to think about you, but it’s only your own perceptions, not the projections of others, that program your future. It’s when we agree with other people’s projections that we get into trouble—when we give the ego power and align with its judgments.

In Grab the Queen Power, I quote Wayne Dyer. Wayne tells us: “You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, then you’re abdicating (handing over) yourself.” Something else Dr. Dyer shared in his book The Power of Intention clearly makes the point. “Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others.” He goes on to tell us that we have no control over the mind of someone else. What they think is what they think. Dr. Dyer explains further, “Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you.”

Oh, I really want to believe this. Every part of my being wants to be tough. Stand firm. And as I write this, I will claim that the next time I have a ‘bad’ opinion or judgment pointing at me, I will ignore it. I will “leave it for someone else to debate.” Can I be strong this time? That is my plan. And of course, now that I’ve made the declaration, you know what must happen next! Yes, I am guessing the challenge will arrive sooner than I would like. Oh my. I guess before too long, I will know how I handled the criticism or external opinion. Wish me luck! And for good measure, I’m sending a little Queen Power your way.

Note to self: Part of grabbing the Queen Power is relying on my internal opinion. Is that as easy as it sounds?

www.queenpower.com
www.queenpower.com/CrownAtude.html

Happy Mother's Day . . . Okay, So I'm a Little Early

2005-04-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Recently Crown Me Club subscriber, Karlena Lee, ordered tiaras for the special women in her life. Her personal note to them made such an impression on me. She talked about sisterhood and celebrating bonds. Karlena said things like, "Take time to be a Queen for the day," and "Do what only royalty must do . . . Be Magnificient!" Not only that, but she thanked them for being in her life. We corresponded about it and I asked Karlena to write someting for Queen Power.

Below are Karlena's thoughts about why she was compelled to play tiara fairy!

Raise Your Tiaras In Celebration Of Love, Truth & Life

What does being a woman represent? It symbolizes strength, hardship, laughter, sadness, triumph and failure. It simply means being brilliantly multi-faceted in the things that make us who we are and develops our character.

That was on my mind when I decided to wave my wand as the tiara fairy and recognize the fascinating women in my family. What better way, I thought, than to articulate the core of what the women I know and love so eloquently epitomizes.

I come from a long heritage of courageous, intelligent, unstoppable women, who have had their share of tests and trials. I am blessed to have my great-grandmother still thriving, while venturing into her 90s. When I look at her, I see all the women that came before her and those who have and will continue to come after.

In her prime, she could be both gentle and fierce at the same time. She loved her children and family. She gave by demonstrating determination, perseverance and love. She’s been the nurturer of 3 children, 15 grandchildren, over 20 great-grandchildren, and countless great-great grandchildren–five living generations!

The soul of my family comes from this single woman. Therefore, it makes perfect sense to celebrate my mother, grandmother, aunts and sisters, because they are like royalty to me! The reason being–it’s not as though we’re fabulous and our lives have gone unscathed–rather it’s more the contrary. Collectively in our personal lives and as a family, we have confronted the face of adversity, and though fearful or even discouraged at times, we continue to REIGN!

So you see, being a tiara fairy for Mother’s Day goes beyond gift giving. It is a celebration of love, truth and life!

Well wishes to you and all the women in your life, who like you–are simply magnificent!

Karlena Lee
Founder and President Author/Speaker/Trainer EYPN: www.eypn.com and www.karlenaleeunlimited.com.
Partnership: www.smartsley.com

Thank you Karlena for sharing with us.

www.queenpower.com
www.CrownAtude.html

Seeking Sela

2005-04-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares . . .

This month I’ve had fun (and sometimes not much fun) seeking advance praise blurbs for Grab the Queen Power. The fun part was reconnecting with my author friends in cyberspace. Almost every author I asked read the book and decided to submit blurbs. Their responses overwhelmed me—and that was a good thing. Now, I’m after back cover blurbs. Already, I’ve had a well-known author agree to read the book and, if she is so inclined, submit a review blurb for me. So that is most exciting!

And now I’ve set my sights high. I’m going after Sela Ward. I read her book, Homesick: A Memoir while writing Grab the Queen Power. Much of what she said resonated with me. Both Mississippians, our stories in regards to our feeling of family and community were similar. So, I decided to go for it. You know, see if I could find someone that knew someone that could reach Sela.

The someone was closer than I thought! My Dad ended up having a business associate from Meridian, MS (Sela's hometown) who had worked closely with Sela on some community projects. Yippee! Soon I was on my way.

Last Friday my mother called me with a phone number. Through the contact, she had gotten the number of Sela’s publicist. You’d think I would be excited about this. Actually, I was a little bummed out. With the help of our very own Queen of Information, Marie Roker, I had the address of Sela’s manager, and well, I actually thought that might be a better connection than the publicist. Of course, I had no way of knowing that, though. But I persisted. I decided to call the number. I don’t know about you, but I hate making cold calls. So I put it off for a day. Then I wrote out a script to help me ‘sell’ myself. I practiced. And then I bravely picked up the telephone.

I dialed the number. I waited. A female answered the phone. I really couldn't understand what she said and thought to myself, hmmmmm, this doesn't sound very professional, but I knew I must proceed. So I cleared my throat and said, "May I please speak to Joe?" The lady responded, "Who Joe? This is Chinese restaurant!"

Well, not one to give up easily, I verified the number with my mother. Oops! I had inverted the numbers. So after practicing a little bit longer and then wiping off my sweaty palms, I tried again. This time I heard, “We’re sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

You gotta be kidding me?!

The story does have a happy ending though. I now have a ‘real’ mailing address. Of course, it will probably go to an Assistant, Publicist or a Manager, but maybe, just maybe my note and manuscript will reach her! I’m sending a little Queen Power dust for good measure before I zap it off using the US Postal service.

No worries. I will keep you posted:).

9/8/05
It dawned on the other day that I never updated you on the Sela Ward story. The ending isn't happy. Darn. Yes, she received the manuscript! So, I did have the right address. But her filming schedule prevented her from helping me. I actually got the call as I headed to Dallas, TX this summer for a book signing. No, Sela didn't call me, but her personal assistant did. When the call came in ... I had to smile. I might not have been successful, but I did reach an untouchable without too much effort. Isn't America beautiful?

www.queenpower.com
www.queenpower.com/CrownAtude.html

Time for FlyLady?

2005-04-13T17:14:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Last week Queen Camellia, Donna Warner, wrote an article for the Queens Write About Writing blog about the FlyLady.

Although I had heard of the FlyLady, I didn’t know her methods. Well, for Donna, her methods were the key to figuring some things out. She explained, “Flylady suggested I could reclaim my life in five, ten, and fifteen minute increments, beginning with cleaning my sink. I gave it try. And it’s worked for a week. Not only worked, but it’s fun. When I do something for fifteen minutes, I really can see the result; I don’t experience the trapped feeling that the task will never get done, and will just have to be done over again anyway. Now I look forward to the next time I can do a little more. It’s true. Where I saw weeds, now I see the possibility for zinnias.”

Then some time last week, Nicole Williams (our Queen-zine editor) and I were exchanging e-mails. I responded to something she said by writing: “Three cheers for the queen!” Nicole wrote me back saying, “Three years for a Queen? I hadn’t heard that yet . . . Well, that takes some pressure off of me. I still forget sometimes that I don’t have to fix everything overnight! Hearing this makes me want to sit down and make a three year plan!”

What? I thought. I returned to my inbox to find the e-mail. Yep, I had written “Three years for a Queen” instead of “three cheers.” So rather serendipitously, I discovered something.

Time seems to be a major inhibitor, or rather, the idea that all must be fixed immediately stops us cold. I’ve been a victim too. Donna seemed to be freed by permission to do something in fifteen increments. Nicole found relief knowing that “it takes three years to make a Queen.”

And as Donna recently shared with us, “This week I have not been stopped by dust in the corners, or my usual lament, not enough time to do it all. Flylady suggests taking baby steps and utilizing small increments of time. It works for dishes. And I must ask myself, if zinnias are possible, why not essays? Or books?”

I too must ask myself. If it works for dishes, then doesn’t it work for book promotions too? Sure it does. And if it works for such things like dishes and books, then most certainly it works for becoming more queenly. Ahhhh. There’s still hope for me.

© Allyn Evans 2005
www.queenpower.com

You Gotta Have Friends

2005-04-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Here's the truth. I am a loner. Well okay, was a loner is more like it. If you met me, you might be surprised by that fact. For starters, I am quite the extrovert and have always been that way. For example, going to a party filled with strangers never bothered me. I knew how to socialize and make friends, and up until college, I didn’t have any problems. But as I matured, I lost site of the necessity and actually forgot how to form a meaningful bond with other women. Oh, I made a few here and there, but my close female friends were few and far between. I remember once in college, my younger sister (by 10 years) visited. She accurately observed: "Your telephone rings all the time, but it's never for you. Do you have friends?" How do you respond to that? I lived with a roommate that had more friends than she could effectively manage. I, on the other hand, managed mine quite well. Thank you very much.

But at some point, while transitioning from child to adult, I had decided I was better off without friends. Don't get me wrong. Like I mentioned previously, I had friends sprinkled here and there. And my mother always encouraged me explaining, "Allyn, you are simply one of those people who can count all her friends on one hand." Yep. That described me, all right.

Not having friends, though, makes the journey much more difficult—the road long, very long. I know because that was the route I took. Simply put, it was easier if I did it by myself. And well, I usually did. Having friends not only meant I had someone to share fun, laughter and sadness with, but it also equaled more responsibility. Basically, it added to my "to do" list. Yikes! How scary is that?

Friends will come and go, but I think you will find they will drift into your life when you need them the most—if you are open. That's the key. You have to decide if you are better off having friends than not. Boy, I am not looking forward to my life review (after I die:); I'm sure I'll be shown so many missed opportunities for having meaningful relationships. But, that's all behind me now because my 'friend arms' are wide open (and so is my heart). You see, I now have to use my hands, my feet, and a calculator to count them!

For more blogs, go to: www.queenswrite.blogspot.com or www.queenswriteaboutwriting.blogspot.com.

For our main queendom, visit: www.queenpower.com.

Great Blogs:)

2005-03-30T16:12:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

If you haven't already, please go check out our new blog!

www.queenswriteaboutwriting.blogspot.com

Our other blog: www.queenswrite.blogspot.com is also a good read. Oh, yes . . . and if you like to read about traveling, please don't forget our Queens Travel blog (www.queenstravel.blogspot.com).

I'll be back next week with a new entry:). I promise!

Laugh with Glee

2005-03-23T15:15:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares ...

We feel some loss of meaning like a sickness we can’t shake. We would love to burst out, as though we’ve been crouching in a small box for a long time. We ache to spread our arms and legs and backs, to throw our heads back, to laugh with glee at the feel of sunshine on our faces.

—Marianne Williamson, The Gift of Change

A long-time friend spent the weekend with me. It was so nice to have her here. She lives in a major metroplex with a busy, busy life. I live in small town America. Although my life is suddenly busier, I do not have the demands of a city pulling at me too. Whew! I have just the right amount of energy available for my work, my family and household management activities. So, I simply cannot imagine living life as she does.

We spent Saturday afternoon relaxing on my back porch. Reading. Talking. Sharing. Her visit fed my soul. My little hideaway in rural America fed hers. I really can’t imagine how different my life would have been if I had never met her so many years ago. We communicate weekly and visit each other every three to six months. Our girls have also bonded, adding yet another layer to our strong connection.

After meeting in graduate school, we both ended up taking different paths. Terrie pursued law school and I remained focused on jobs in higher education. After three years, my hubby’s job required we relocate and so it was from that point on we maintained a long-distance friendship. Interestingly, we faced similar challenges as we made our way through adulthood. We both suffered from severe acne and the resulting scars. We both experienced irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), even though we knew it as spastic colon at the time. We both couldn’t hear our hearts, but continued to long and search for a better way to live our lives. Throughout this process and the resulting eighteen years, we have pulled each other along by comforting, encouraging and supporting one another. Together we are both in a much better place—a new place where we are hearing our hearts and acting on Her promptings.

Did you notice how long it took us? This weekend, we talked about our inability to make things happen at an earlier age. Actually, the book I’ve just written is an examination of why women have to wait until they are 40, 50, 60 or 70 to live the lives we are capable of living. We also talked about women we know that never made the choice to pick up their unlived life and instead simply came to terms with the choices they made. We expressed anger for having had to ‘wait’ for so long, but we then turned our attention to our seven-year-old daughters promising that no matter how it turned out for us, they would not face the same obstacles. Oh yes, they will stumble and oh yes, they will fall, but with our new understanding, we can guide them through adolescence and help them stand tall at age 20 or age 25. With our guidance, these girls will not only survive adolescence, they will come out of the hurricane able to hear their heart with the ability to take action and manifest the lives they are capable of living.

So, even though the road has been long and challenging, we have emerged at age 40-something knowing that we have learned. We have learned about what stifled us and other women we know, and we have learned how to make change.

On the Queen Power site, there are so many of us who are now reaching for our highest potential. We range from ages 20 to 80. How we got to this point or why we waited so long doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that we are here. We are finally listening to our hearts, accepting our power and finally “laughing with glee at the feel of sunshine on our faces.”

I can’t wait to flower and grow some more and to witness it as it happens to so many of you!

I Read My Daughter's Diary!

2005-03-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Okay, it's not as bad as it sounds. You see, my daughter is seven and well, she shares her diary with me. So, even though I read it, I did so 'legally'.

But her latest entry really surprised me. She started with the standard, "Dear Diary". She then continued by saying, "When will mom sell 10,000 books? I want a pony!"

Yikes! Heck, I have the same question. Yes, when will Mom sell 10,000 books? Of course, I most certainly don't know. But, the pony part. I have a really good idea about that. NOT!

Poor baby, she's a horse lover and ended up with two parents who could care less about horses. At this stage in the game, I'm not sure if her 'horse crazies' will stick. I guess only time will tell. Guess that answers the other question too!

And there's more . . .

With the addition of several queens in the last month and the prospect of adding more, yes, you heard right, more, I am most excited about the Queen Power's ability to provide women support, encouragement and advice.

The forums are really hopping. Personally, I love the warm, friendly exchanges that go on there. I have learned so much from my Queenly friends. If you want to join in or simply read what's being said, go to www.queenpower.com.

As I mentioned in this week's Queen-zine, it's spring break week. So, now I must sign off to take care of my girl. Things have been a little, shall we say, off schedule.

Take care and have a wonderful week. The sun is shining here:).

Before going, though, I want to plug our new blog. Donna Warner (a.k.a. Queen Camellia) is putting together a great place for writers to join together and voice their experiences (www.queenswriteaboutwriting.blogspot.com)

Your Tiara Calls!

2005-03-09T16:26:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

This morning started like most other days. After getting my daughter on the school bus, I walked right into my routine. While dressing for the day, I felt compelled to wear purple. I put on a purple shirt and then topped it off with a purple jacket. While selecting jewelry to wear, I again felt a queenly push. I reached for my tiara things. I carefully slipped on the beautiful tiara ring my mother gave me for Christmas. I then selected my tiara earrings. Ah, I was feeling the Queen Power.

Ready to start the workday, I spied my tiara on the corner of my desk. Okay, guess what I did? Yep! I put on my tiara. I wore my tiara all day. At odd times throughout the day, I would catch a glimpse of myself and smile. Usually, I forgot I had it on—but, seeing the shine and shimmer, warmed my heart and fed my soul.

Mid-day and during my lunch break, I decided it was time to ‘scoop up the poop’ in the backyard. Some yard folks are coming this week and I certainly didn’t want them dealing with it. Usually, I get my daughter in on the deal, but today I decided to tackle it alone. Maybe it was the tiara? I’m not completely sure. But no matter, as I scooped I felt as if I was doing one of the most important jobs in the world. Yes, I was the Queen of Scoop! With my tiara jewels shimmering in the sunlight, I cheerfully cleaned my yard.

Tomorrow we’re having a birthday celebration for one of my local Queen Power friends. We’re taking our tiaras to wear while we dine. Although always uneasy about playing dress up in the beginning, I end up having a great time. We’re planning to take a picture. So, I hope to be sharing that with you soon. Of course, every member of my Queen Power team will have to approve it before it’s posted. So, that could take us years!
Take care! And wear your tiara whenever you get the chance.

Out of the Mouth of Babes

2005-03-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares ...

The other day my seven-year-old daughter said, "Mom, one of our friends doesn't play with us as much anymore."

Somewhat interested I asked, "Why Addy?"

Addy said, "Because another girl makes her play with her all the time."

She then turned to me and said, "Mama, do you think *Molly will find the queen power when she grows up?"

I told her I didn't know.

Shaking her head she said, "She's gonna need it!"

Then today Addy delivered a picture she drew at school. Written boldly across a rainbow of colors it read, "Follow Your Dreams."

Oh Addy, thank you for the reminder.

And before I go ... think about something Oprah recently said, "Your feelings don't lie. Your heart speaks to you through your feelings, and your feelings are the voice of God trying to lead you to a higher ground."

*fictitious name

The Funk Stops Here!

2005-02-23T16:10:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares ...

Okay, here's the deal. I've been in a funk lately. Not sure what's going on ... but, something is in the air. First, I had to say goodbye to some friends. Ouch. Whine. Boo hoo. Next, I had to handle another situation (work related) that made me whine and moan some more.

Then, I'm sitting here wondering what to do next. It's interesting. And even though I'm not too keen on sharing this ... well, I'm going to anyway.

For four years I've been writing this book. Four years! And, then suddenly the book is gone. Bye, bye. Remember the zap. Well after the zap, I experienced a little snap, crackle and pop. But now I'm simply trying to figure out what to do next.

I know what I'm going to do. So, saying "trying to figure out" isn't exactly on target. It's a matter of re-focusing. Creating a plan. Focusing on the plan and then you know, taking action.

I was hoping the Queen-zine article I wrote for this week's Queen-zine would be my ticket to "getting there", but then I realized it wasn't time yet to write the "focus" article. That topic is actually scheduled for next week. Heck, the timing of the column is really a good thing—especially for the reader. Surely, it's better to write about focus once I'm back in focus. Ha!

Today, I gave myself permission to take more time off. But before doing that I had to wrestle with myself. "You don't have time." "Are you crazy?" "Only self indulgent or depressed people would think about crawling back into bed." But the voice of reason won ... my heart (oh yes, My Good Witch Glinda). Turned out it was only half a day because I had some telephone interviews scheduled. But still that time allowed me to regroup. No, what it really did was allowed me to rest. I intentionally kept my mind away from "work". Previously, I told you that my work is play. Well ... in most cases that is true. But this week my "work" has felt like work. And, that's what I am going to figure out, process and then write about next week or maybe the next.

Okay, so there is some good news. It's so nice to have a purpose:).

As I come to grips with myself this week ... maybe my "grips" will help you later.

Have a wonderful week. And may the Queen Power force be with you.

Reflective Queen

2005-02-16T12:13:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares ...

In less than a week, I will say goodbye to some dear friends. I’ve known them for almost a year and a half and am saddened by the need to do this. But, do it I must. Discovering my friends in the fall of 2003 was indeed divinely inspired. I needed to meet them. I needed to be with them. But, mostly I needed the smiles, laughter and warm embrace they offered to me. Hopefully, I gave them at least just a little of what they gave me. But, I will probably never know.

Anyway, I must now say goodbye, but not without a heartfelt thank you.

And, Still Reflecting …

One goodbye that I can’t seem to say, though, is a goodbye to Sugar. I know. I am on such a roller coaster ride with this sweet girl. After a frantic e-mail to her former Foster Mom (oh, about this time last week), I’ve been riding high again.

Sugar wants so desperately to please us. As a result, she quickly stopped snapping at my daughter. This experience reminds me of how I viewed myself when I was a first time mother. Overwhelmed and panicked, I truly wondered how I would be able to do THIS for the next twenty years? And, that’s where my logic was flawed. Of course, I wasn’t going to be doing THIS for that long. I was only going to be doing the infant stage for a year and then the toddler stage for a limited amount of time. The stage when I breastfeed and didn’t sleep wasn’t going to last forever. Oh, it most certainly felt like it would at the time, but reality painted a completely different picture—one I simply couldn’t see.

Well, along comes Sugar. And, I guess I had forgotten this little lesson. Because, I mistakenly took the same view when we adopted our rescue dog. I would throw up my hands in disgust, “She’s never going to be housebroken,” or “She’s going to howl all night for the rest of my life!” I also felt like I was suffocating. She needed me so much. Sugar followed me everywhere and always had to sit right next to me. So, I awfulized about it. Awfulizing is a term used by best selling author and speaker Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. It’s creating something really awful, scary or upsetting out of nothing. It’s imagining all these terrible things that are happening now or in your future. I mean, I literally thought: She’s going to be needy for the rest of her life, which means I will never have any peace!

Of course, I was completely off base. Sugar doesn’t howl anymore, rarely has an accident and doesn’t feel the need to follow me around. And, my now seven-year-old daughter no longer needs my constant attention. I don’t have to pump breast milk anymore nor do I change diapers. Sleep. That’s something I get plenty of now unless an attack of growing pains strikes.

The Reflection Continues …

Very recently, I had to deal with a situation that troubled me. And, again, I awfulized. I poured so much energy into the situation that I’m sure I made it grow and grow and grow. Well, at least I made it grow in my imagination. And, in my awfulizing way, I assumed if a few people thought a certain way, then surely everyone else did too. Yep, that’s awfulizing. “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, and I guess I’ll go eat worms.” I call it being “slimed”. Because when the slime finds me (the good opinions of others that’s critical or judgmental), it usually sticks. No matter how hard I try to avoid it or wipe it off, I can’t. It always lands on me. I see it coming and instead of stepping aside, I stand front and center. I take it right in the face.

So, here’s my pledge. I’m tired of accepting slime. Not only that, I tired of wallowing in the slime. And, I’m not going to do it anymore. The SLIME stops here.

Do I really get it? I sure hope so. Because (and I guess only time will tell), but experiencing the slime and then finally understanding that I will refuse to participate made me recognize how far I've come and that I'm no longer willing to go back to the old way of dealing with it.

Today, I start a new path—and take one step closer to living a more truthful and authentic existence. I’ve been talking about it for years. I’ve been dancing around it for years. Of course, as I write this … I’m also a little fearful because now that I’ve taken a stand … doesn’t that mean a test will follow? Hhhhhmmmm. Alrighty, bring it on! I’m ready.

ER, But First Some Sugar

2005-02-09T14:46:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

I'll start with the Sugar. Oh, I am so torn. Sugar and I are still struggling. She's a difficult dog to housebreak. And, she's been snapping at my daughter. Of course, since my daughter is seven, I'm sure there are times a dog might need to snap at her. But, so far, when it has happened I am there and don't see any reason for the aggressive behavior.

Since I'm almost at the end of a dog rope, I welcome your suggestions. Help me keep her, please!
Okay, now that my pity party and whining fest are over, let's move on to the real reason you clicked on this blog.

Our Very Own ER

Friday night my daughter told me she didn't feel well. Her throat hurt and she felt a little warm. Trying to make light of it, she promised to be well by morning. Around 6:00 a.m. the next day, she asked to join us in bed claiming she didn't feel well. A quick kiss to her forehead told me she had some fever. We both slept a few more hours and then started our regular Saturday. We didn't have plans because I was working on the Grab the Queen Power manuscript. All day she maintained a low-grade fever, but other than that seemed to feel okay. Not one to sit still for long, she was bouncing off the couch and around the room to entertain herself. She even has a name for it: The Thinking Game. She called all her neighborhood friends to tell them she couldn't play, occasionally watched TV and for the rest of time talked to me about dolls, horses and dreams.

Around 6:00 p.m., I called my husband to suggest we order out. Since Addy and I had talked about it earlier, she was thrilled that I had chosen her favorite restaurant, El Vaquero. "Mama, I want sopaipillas!" If you don't know, that's a dessert item—a puffy, crisp, deep-fried bread dipped in cinnamon. It's very good:). Thirty minutes later, I placed the order and as I was ordering the coveted sopaipillas my daughter whispered hoarsely, "Mama. I don't want any."

Clue number one! Addy never turns down sopaipillas.

By 9:00 p.m. Addy felt worse. The speed and force of her infection scared me. All day she had been fine and then suddenly, she was not! What started as a low-grade fever and sore throat quickly changed to burning up and barely breathing. We quickly discussed our options while I also tried to remain calm and make sure we were making the right choice, you know not overreacting. For a very brief moment, I tried to find my center. You know, a place that would help me have rational and unemotional thoughts.

"Mama, I can't breath in!" Addy said again. I hurriedly discarded my "overreacting" worries and started thinking options. In small towns, there's usually only one option and well, we only had one: The Emergency Room. As we collected our daughter and necessary papers, our concern intensified. "Mama, I can't breath in? I can't breath in?"

It's takes a lot to unnerve me and well, the thought of Addy not being able to breath did. In addition to her other symptoms, she had an odd barking cough. As we scurried to the truck, I told her, "The last time you sounded like this we steamed up our bathroom and sat in the hot, misty air. And that took care of everything." I then turned to my husband, "She's too old to have Croup. I bet it's a very bad case of strep." Strep had been going around. Although, with hindsight, I don't think Strep interferes with breathing.

By the time we reached the ER her breathing had regulated. Wouldn't you know it? But, of course, that didn't stop us from getting her checked out.

The visit took about two hours. Turns out she had viral Croup. So, it was Croup after all! Very unusual for a seven year old, but not impossible. For the next 48 hours we did several breathing treatments in our bathroom. And, each time we did them, they worked beautifully. And incase you didn't know this about Croup, steam or cold air work wonders. Thus, explaining why our daughter improved dramatically on our ride to the hospital.

She's all better now. Actually returned to school today. Right now she's working on a school project while I type away.

That's all. I simply wanted to share.

Sugar Update

Will the roller coaster ever end. Tonight Sugar and Snow (our other dog) were curled up together on the couch all warm and cozy. I melted. Also, a new development (see, we're trying here), I suddenly realized (is that an epiphany?) that we need to demonstrate to Sugar that Addy is dominate over her. Meaning that in our family chain, Sugar is below Addy. So, tonight when Sugar growled at Addy (just for entering the room, mind you), Addy spoke in an authoritative voice telling her "Don't, Sugar," while pointing her finger at her. Before Addy's reaction had been one of fear.

I'll keep you posted. But, if any of you seasoned dog owners have suggestions, I am open:). You can comment here or e-mail me privately.

A Dog Day

2005-02-02T13:54:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Sweet Sugar is still thriving. Although the smell of her breath was a major clue, the rescue folks had warned us her teeth were in terrible condition. What started out as a simple procedure (to clean her teeth) turned into some major dental work. Now minus her front teeth and several more, she's as cute as ever:).

The most difficult part of my day, though, started on the drive to the vet's office. We have a neighborhood dog, Sadie, that loves to chase cars. Our friendly Sheltie has avoided harm for over two years. As typical, she chased me out of the neighborhood. Next came my husband. Darting out to catch up with him, Sadie never saw the truck and trailer coming from the other direction.

My husband knowing that I was just over the hill and on my way to the vet, called me. I quickly whipped my car around to see if Sadie could be helped. Once near the scene, I glanced towards Sadie thinking it didn't look good. Parking my car, I ran to a workman who witnessed the accident. "Nope. That dog is dead. She died right away. My foreman pulled her off the road and is now going to tell the owners." I looked again over at Sadie. I could tell he was right. Then he added, "Made my foreman cry."

Of course, made me cry too.

Later that day I found out the foreman not only pulled the dog off the road and notified the owners, but he carried the dog to their house and helped a mother and sick child bury her.

Sadie will be missed.

Super Nanny to the Rescue

2005-01-26T10:39:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

For all you dog lovers out there . . . looks like Sugar is a keeper. So, what saved sweet Sugar?

Don't laugh. It was a reality-TV show. Let's see, and oh how I hate confess this, but, yes, I get sucked in and watch those shows. This week, it was SuperNanny that grabbed my attention.

Not sure why. And, actually it was more luck than anything. I think it was the Nanny's voice that spoke to me. She told the parents of a two-year-old child who kept the family up way past their bedtimes, "You are the adults here. You can fix this." I thought, Oh yes. I am the adult here. I can fix this! Suddenly with newfound hope, I listened.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, go back and read the blog right before this one. It will tell the tale of Sugar, our seven-year-old pet.

We, just like the two-year's old family, were trapped in the "stay-up-way-passed-your-bedtime" nightmare. And, our nightmare was Sugar. As part of our new nightly routine, the poor baby howled for hours until exhausted. Actually, my other two (hubby and daughter) slept right through it all. But, not me. I suffered with her. Being the one that likes to fix people's pain or at least ease it, I found the nightly sadness unbearable. So problematic, in fact, that I couldn't see keeping her. It was much too painful.

So, Super Nanny to the rescue! After watching the Nanny work her magic, I tried the same trick. It was sooooo easy. Instead of placing Sugar in her bed, closing the door and leaving for the night, I stayed with her for ten minutes. That's it. I sat down by her bed and without communicating or petting her, gave her time to settle down for the night. After she got comfortable, I slowly made my way out of the room. It worked! No more howling:).

Okay, that's one problem solved. There are many more. But, now I can proudly say I'm the adult here and I could fix it!"

One Tired Queen

2005-01-23T13:13:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Okay, here’s the deal. I haven’t been sleeping well this week. There are several reasons, but the most disruptive one is our new dog. I know. What was I thinking? I’m still asking myself that question. We’ve taken on a seven-year-old female—quite possibly the sweetest dog on the planet. Our sweet Sugar got to us by way of a breeder house. Busted by dog lovers, the breeder lost her 100 dogs within a day. The dogs were placed with organizations in Arkansas and Oklahoma.

Our Sugar, though, isn’t housebroken. When I picked up our new dog, the foster mom swore she was. Well, I’m swearing, “No she’s not!” On top of that, she’s not familiar with sleeping through the night (meaning she howls for hours). So, this Queen is tired. And, well . . . it’s hard to feel queenly when you simply want to crawl back in bed.

I’ve had a roller coaster week. “I’m taking her back!” That’s what I mumble as I clean up the messes she leaves behind. “Oh, but she’s so happy with us.” And, other than this housebreaking deal and her issues with separation, she’s wonderful. At the moment, she’s staying. I’ll have to keep you posted on the outcome. Of course, there’s a big part of me that is struggling with the idea of returning her. I don’t do that. No, not me. But, maybe I do? Like I said . . . we’ll just have to see.

And, more reasons not to sleep . . .

While driving home from picking up our newest family member last Saturday, we decided to get some gas. Not sure why I picked the place I did, but it seemed like the perfect pit stop. By Tuesday, my SUV started acting up. When cranking my vehicle, it sputtered and groaned. Trying to explain the problems away, I blamed the artic temperature. No matter, I still got to where I was going. So, I shrugged it off. But, that afternoon, it happened again. So, I called the dealership and scheduled an appointment for Wednesday. Surely, my warranty would cover whatever the annoyance turned out to be. Oops, I totally forgot the appointment (must have been from lack of sleep). Finally on Thursday, my car was delivered to the shop. At first, the mechanics couldn’t figure out what was happening and needed to keep it overnight. The next day they were on to something, “By any chance did you get gas on the Turnpike on Saturday?” Nodding my head I said, “Yep sure did.”

“Well, we’ve been talking to other dealerships in town and you’re not the only one with this mystery problem. We’ve found about ten others so far.” I brace myself. “Somehow or another they mixed the diesel with the regular gas. We’ve got to clean your engine.”

By Saturday, I had my car back. Surprisingly, after I left the dealership my purse felt so much lighter—to the tune of just under $600. Yikes! I’m still wrapping my little mind around that one. Of course, my dealership folks say “they” should pay for it. So, that’s what I get to do on Monday. Try to get “they” to reimburse me. How does one find the telephone number for "they" when "they" are on the Turnpike?? And, well, that makes me tired just thinking about it.

Tired. Yep, tired! Irritated and still trying my best to feel queenly. Okay, it’s most definitely time to pull out and wear my tiara. One tiara, two aspirins, a good nights sleep and surely I’ll be feeling queenly by tomorrow. Wonder if the dog would wear one? Can a dog wearing a tiara use the bathroom in your house? Surely not!

Feel the Need to Blog

2005-01-21T16:35:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

The subscriptions keep pouring in. Okay, can't tell you just how much fun it is to check my in-box and see all the new Queens joining the Queendom.

As you might have noticed, we're still rounding out our team of Queens. The latest addition is Queen of Experiences (Queen Jaw Jaw). She's lots of fun and will mostly definitely help lighten things up a bit. This year should offer many more opportunities for our group of Queens.

Quite possibly the hardest part of this subscription process, though, is getting the
"user requests removal" notification. Although, I promise myself to not take it personally . . . I still cringe when one arrives. Of course, my first thought is, "Why?" And, then my next thought is, "Oh, it's okay. Not everyone will find what they are looking for in our little queendom." And, then other pressing tasks grab my attention. Usually, on the day that I find one of those unwelcomed announcements in my box, two or so more arrive to take it's place.

All this dicussion leads me back to the "Why?" question. I really am curious about the why. Since we currently don't have a method set up to gather feedback from you (except via personal e-mail or very public forums), I do encourage you to write to us with ideas and/or criticisms.

I would love to hear from you and to see how we may better serve you.

BTW, we've got some new stuff coming up soon. A new webpage called Queens on the Net that will provide resource links and an "Ask the Queens" feature. We're also going to launch a password protected forum providing a format for queens to network (and communicate for purposes of trading, swapping, barting or buying).

And, now off to start a nice, relaxing weekend. Whew! It's been a busy week and I'm ready for a little much needed rest.

Bragging About the Queens!

2005-01-12T15:52:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Okay, I have to do some bragging here. Queens! Queens! Queens! Our collective Queens come from a variety of backgrounds. We have WAHM Queens, Writer Queens, Entrepreneur Queens, Mom Queens, Stay-At-Home Queens, Retired Queens. You name it . . . we've probably got it:).

Today, I'm going to focus on our writing Queens. We have several Queens with blogs. And, their blogs are fantastic.

I'm going to name only three at this writing. But, if you'd like to be included in this listing, e-mail me (queenme@queenpower.com) or add the link in the comments section below.

Let's see . . .

We have Queen Camellia. Her blog is: http://www.beinginamerica.blogspot.com

Then there's Queen of Experiences (aka Queen Jaw Jaw). You'll find her writing posted at: http://www.allthingsroyal.blogspot.com

The PRDiva Queen, Christine Hohlbaum, has a blog: http://diaryofamother.blogs.com/

Funny, humorous and insightful. These blogs should keep you busy for awhile.

We also have writers with websites. If you'd like to list your website (in the comments section below) , then please do! I think it's fun to see what everyone is doing. The forum users share their websites (usually in their signature lines). So, if you are interested to see what other women are doing, then go check out the forums. You are welcome to browse without a commitment to join in the chatter.

And, I might be overstepping my boundaries here . . . but, I bet that if you find someone doing what you've always wanted to do . . . they'd be more than happy to talk to you (via e-mail or phone). I know I'd love to hear from readers and subscribers! Let's use our network and help each other;).

Before I forget, Queen Power opened a new blog titled Queens Write (www.queenswrite.blogspot.com). It's new and we're looking for entries. Keep sending us your words (prefer short, inspirational, fun stuff).

Close Your Eyes and Jump!

2005-01-05T15:26:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

While preparing for a radio interview, I had an opportunity to reflect on the changes that have occurred in my life. The listening audience, a group of “working-at-home” moms, sparked my interest in doing so. Since 2000, I have been what they are. My desire to work from home pre-dates organizations like WAHM (Working At Home Moms). Even prior to having the title Mom, I knew that I had to have my own business. Be my own boss. I really can’t explain why, but the world of traditional employment didn't work for me. For fifteen years, I tried to figure out how to escape or how to change my feelings. Nothing worked. Nothing! I read really great books by really great authors like Richard Boles and Barbara Sher. But, for some reason couldn’t figure out how to dig out of the place I found myself. Part of my dilemma involved money. Yikes! We needed more and of course, I needed to contribute. Driven by the notion that if only I looked hard enough, I would find my right occupation, I trudged on—and, got nowhere.

With each passing year, though, I found myself closer to solving the problem. At one point, I finally quit denying that I loved to write. Another time, I completely understood my burning desire to help others. As I turned over stones and investigated options, I eventually found one shoe that sort of fit. Eureka!

In 1995, I discovered the business of résumé writing. I noticed it, but ignored it. I continued to move on to other jobs in higher education and the nonprofit sector. As I made my way, I ended up finding what I considered to be my perfect job—Career Counselor at a local community college. My joy lasted for about six months, if that long. But while hanging out, I honed my “career counseling” skills and filed away many resources. On some level, I knew that I would need the information again. And, I did.

After one more attempt to find the right job, I found myself ready to close my eyes and jump. Reaching the highest point possible at work (based on the degree I had), I sorrowfully realized I had made the wrong choice. The impressive job with its even more impressive title most definitely wasn’t the right answer. By this time, I had earned the “Mom” title and any left over energy was spent on my two-year-old child. So, that’s when I crashed and burned. That’s when I decided to stop. Took a deep breath and quit. Without a plan and knowing full well that I desperately needed to continue to bank my share of the cash, I took my life back. I was scared. I was frightened. No, I was crazy! What was I thinking? I had tried this so many times before. Why did I think that this time would be different? Why?

Even in hindsight, I can’t answer that. Age? Experience? Sudden courage? I don’t know. But, no matter, the day I took charge and pledged to play the game differently, my life changed too. I pulled out the business plan I had carried around in my briefcase for two years. I called a former boss and got an old part-time job back. I shared my plan with another lady who ended up being my partner. Within two months of starting the new business, we made money. Within four months, I made more money than I had before in fewer hours and with less stress. For a short time, I was a happy-stay-at-home Mom.

After two years, it turned out, I had written one résumé too many. Yep. I was burned out without the crashing. The timing was perfect and coincided with my daughter’s first day of full-time school. So, the week my daughter started school, I dropped all my contracts, took a part-time consulting job and focused on writing. Finally, I gave myself permission to pursue what I really wanted. Of course, it wasn’t exactly a breeze. I had to learn the trade. I had to put myself out there. I had to do things that frightened me. I even had to convince myself that I could call myself a writer. In the end, I won. So, in 2005 . . . this is where I find myself.

And, I can't help myself and must say, Ah yes, it’s good to be queen!

Substandard Life? You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

2005-01-04T13:04:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Recently while flipping through Oprah’s latest magazine, I found the perfect quote. Of course, the words came out of Oprah’s mouth. Just so you know, I have this magazine for research purposes. Well, okay, at first I subscribed because I felt compelled to check out her new offering. And, then every time the renewal notice arrived, I continued to sign up. I justified the expense by convincing myself that one day I’d need to know what to pitch to her. In early November, that day finally arrived. I sent this nifty little query letter that most definitely fit her magazine. Heck, I should know . . . I’ve been getting it for the last three years.

The December issue arrived in my mailbox the other day. Actually, it came only a few days after the rejection letter. Yep! I got the dreaded rejection letter from Oprah! Okay, Oprah didn’t write the letter. “The Editors” wrote me. They said:

Dear Reader:

Thank you so much for sharing your work with us. Unfortunately, we are unable to accept your piece for publication. Due to the sheer volume of mail we receive each day, we are simply unable to give each piece the attention it deserves. For future reference, we regret that we do not accept unsolicited submissions.

Sincerely,

The Editors

What a great letter, huh? Well, I decided not to let Oprah’s wonderful logo go to waste. I typed up my own letter. My letter informed me that I was going to be a guest on the show in September 2005! I cut and pasted my letter onto the one Oprah’s staff sent me. It’s hanging on my office wall. Daily I am inspired about my upcoming appearance:). Oh yes, it is signed by none other than Oprah’s TV “Production Staff.”

Okay, I digress. So anyway in the December issue, Oprah said, “We have to keep transforming ourselves to become who we ought to be.” And, I thought to myself, Oprah and I are on the same page. My . . . how amazing that we think so much alike. Her quote sums up the premise supporting Queen Power. It’s that simple, really. It’s about transforming ourselves so that we can become everything we are destined to be. We weren’t placed here to live substandard lives.
Oprah had more wisdom to disperse, “Transformation doesn’t happen unless you’re willing: It’s your choice.” She’s right. Our step toward a better life is a choice. We either do it or don’t do it. There’s nothing to measure, though. It’s not about how far you go once the choice is made. It’s about the journey—the transformation. It’s about opening up and accepting what Caroline Myss said in her recent book, Invisible Acts of Power, “Take the riskiest path you can find—it’s an illusion. The safe path is the real illusion.”

As you gracefully move into 2005, set your sights higher. Make a choice to live your best life. Shun the road that makes you tired. It’s the path that feels heavy and so wearisome. Instead, take the path that feels lighter. The one that makes you dance.I believe we are here for a reason.

As each day unfolds, we see less of the shadow and more of the sun. —Heartline: A Division of Hallmark Cards

Reprinted from the Queen-zine (12/15/05 issue)

Queen Teams!

2004-12-14T13:40:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

Queen Team! Do you have one? I do! I actually had one in the late “90’s” before I knew what to call it. Always a loner, I never really sought people out. Oh, typically, my friends were gathered from work or from my husband’s job. Not having friends made life simple. I didn’t have to worry about others infringing on my time or asking me to participate in meaningless activities. Ah, yes . . . there were perks to be lonely. Well, that’s what I continually told myself.

By the time we returned to Texas in 1997, I was seeking something more. Probably after reading a book, I came up with the idea to start a lunch club. Mustering all the courage I could, I called the only “friend” I knew and pitched the idea. Success! She was interested. After agreeing I said, “Here’s the catch. I don’t know anyone else. You’ll have to recruit the other people.”

Being a natural social butterfly this created no problem for my old friend. Within a week, we had our first luncheon and four of us were in attendance. I had big ideas and visions of having fifteen or more in the group and was ready to discuss the expansion. My dear old friend had other plans. “Let’s keep it small—just the four of us.” The others agreed. And, so our small, intimate group of women friends was born.

Looking back, I realized that we created a safe, cozy place to share fun, sadness, laughter and tears. For about two years, we experienced our highs and lows together. We started with lunch and ventured into girls’ weekend trips and New Year’s Eve parties with spouses.

No matter, the group without meaning or purpose opened my heart.

Now, when I think about “Allyn The Loner”, I’m very sad. I missed so much by pushing others away. I also realize that minus all those others, my journey was much longer. I could never go back to that way of being.

Now in a new geographical location, I have a new Queen Team. I have my expanded team of about twenty as well as an intimate group of four. We weekly play tennis and monthly wine and dine. We have no purpose but fun—we laugh, squeal, giggle and scream. If I forget to wear waterproof mascara, I usually regret it.

Today, we celebrated one of the Queens birthdays. For fun, I brought tiaras for everyone! We wore our tiaras while we ate lunch. Those that know me personally know that this probably wasn’t the most comfortable thing for me to do. But, after awhile it didn’t matter. The tiara felt most appropriate! Besides adding to our fun for the day, our simple act intrigued others. Complete strangers approached us. Greeted us warmly. Smiled at us. Offered to take our picture. Of course, most wanted to know why we were wearing tiaras? We happily explained our status. “We’re queens!” Some wanted to know more, but most were satisfied with that.

No matter, the day without meaning or purpose opened my heart.

www.queenpower.com

Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?

2004-12-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

The part of you buried the deepest is probably the part needing to be unleashed. We bury what we are ashamed of possessing, you know those parts that we perceive make us unlovable. Doing so diminishes our power. Most of us have allowed judgment by others (and other cultural influences) to mold us into something we are not. We remove our truth and then lead dull, frustrated lives as we try to figure things out. Maybe we drown the voice that tries to move us forward or maybe just flat out ignore it, but feeling angry, frustrated, sad or depressed are the signs.

What part of yourself have you buried? Think back to your childhood. What got you in trouble in the classroom or Sunday school? What were the reasons? For me it was being opinionated, bossy, and loud. At the time, my true nature was not appropriate and so, to fit in, I squashed it. A quick study, I ended up a quiet child. Later the child turned into a quiet adult that avoided speaking her mind. I minded my manners and acted in ways appropriate to the social situation. I was a good girl. Why did I conform and change myself? Simple. I wanted to be accepted and loved. My need to be accepted outweighed the need to be myself.

One day I realized I didn’t know Allyn. So good at being the person others wanted me to be, I didn’t even know where the real me started or ended. I figured out what others wanted and then gave it to them. If I couldn’t read someone or figure her out, I made efforts to avoid her.

Although, I can’t pinpoint the actual moment, I decided I had to follow my self-directed impulses and guidance. However, deciding and doing are two separate issues. Stating that I no longer abided by the opinion of others meant that I felt ready to try it. Making the statement had nothing to do with how I would respond to the challenge. The transition frustrated me, but eventually my desire to change overcame my socialization.

Now jump ahead about five years, the “good” opinion of others rarely influences or bothers me anymore. Acting more authentically gives others a choice—love me or leave me. No longer willing to give pieces of myself away, I gathered them all back—shadow parts included and now take my cues from intuition.

Oh, it’s not that I will stop working on the “me” that has since emerged. And, please understand, I still struggle with the opinions of some. But, in this new place I find myself, I completely understand that I am a work in progress. The real me, although much more authentic, still needs to grow and develop—and, improve. I like to view it as fine-tuning—rough edges to smooth and information to absorb.

Embracing yourself in all your glory (while including the shadow parts) doesn’t mean all your worldly problems will be solved. No. Living more authentically simply means you’ll find yourself in a better place—a place that offers more joy and peace.

www.queenpower.com

Go Away Mean Voice

2004-11-30T14:06:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

I love going home during the holidays. I really do. And, the older I am the better it gets. Still plagued by the “mean” voice, though, I’m not completely comfortable once there. Yep, I knew it. Suzanne looks better than me. Thin. Able to wear tight jeans.

It takes me about thirty minutes now to get past it. Used to take a whole lot longer. Thank goodness with each passing year the mean voice gets less and less attention. And, it just so happens that I don't care as much about my physical appearance. Oh, this doesn’t mean I’m ready to throw in the towel—no, I still regularly play tennis and irregularly jog—I’m just finding contentment. Oh, but I say that, and yet I’m still tortured. As I roll out of bed I glance at my hands. Yep, just as I thought . . . swollen. I chide myself for failing to remain on the low-carb fare in preparation for the upcoming holiday feasts. Looking in the mirror, I fuss at my face. Fat. Yuck. Control yourself. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you be more like your sister? Then, I start with the promises. Next time. Next time. And, finally I realize how hopeless my optimism is. Suddenly I’m tired and angry. Feeling fat makes me snap—makes me grouchy.

But despite all of this, I still laughed. I still smiled. I left feeling more loved than not. Even with my tortured experience, others told me I looked radiant and beautiful. Graciously, I accepted, but deep down didn’t believe them. Regardless love and laughter flowed to and from me and all the while I felt a profound connection to many people, some related some not. This week I loved them all and this week I felt they all loved me back—faults, mean voice and all.

So, Now I Know

2004-11-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

For inspiration today, I returned to old editions of the Queen-zine. I found and wanted to share this one.

Here's a message from Angel Queen.

A chain letter arrived in my e-mail box the other day reminding me of St. Teresa's wonderful prayer. I wanted to share the message because to me it's the overall intent of the Queen Power vision and website. It's rather simply, really . . .

Your purpose in life is all about finding peace, joy and freedom while not forgetting to dance and sing along the way. Enjoy.

St. Teresa's Prayer:

May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of you.

Queen Me wraps up . . .

Margaret's interest in St. Teresa caused me to do a little research. I found a fascinating tale of a woman, Teresa of A´vila (1518 - 1582), who faced many obstacles as she made her journey.

The very same day that Margaret forwarded me the information about St. Teresa, I returned to reading Invisible Acts of Power: Personal Choices That Create Miracles by Carolyn Myss. And, you'll never guess who she talked about? In a wrap up statement based on her presentation of St. Teresa's body of work, Myss said, "We need to accept ourselves, our own power, our need to develop our own power and our responsibility to use our power and intuitive guidance in service to others and to the divine."

Borrowing from the title of Myss' book, yes it's all about personal choices and how those choices create miracles in our lives as well as the lives of others. Together, while embracing the Queen Power, we can climb mountains until we finally reach the top. Then, when we finally make it, we can reach back down and pull up others. Don't you see? We all have a rightful place at the top and after we make it, then it's our purpose to help those trailing just a little bit behind.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose. George Bernard Shaw

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When asked “What do you fear my lady?” A female character in the movie portrayal of the Lord of the Rings: The Twin Towers answered, “A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them, and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.”

Enjoy or endure your holiday celebration. Be safe:). And whatever you do, be sure to take a little Queen Power with you.

I'm Lost!

2004-11-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

I have a reason to celebrate, but I haven't. I finished the first draft of the Queen Power book. I've been working on this project (not actually writing the book) for almost four years. So, for one week, I've been a little bit lost. For the last four years, if I wasn't sure what to do next, I could always turn to the book (write, edit or whatever).

Last Monday, I wasn't sure what to do next, and well, there was no more book to write. So, I threw down my pen (metaphorically speaking), and didn’t do much at all. Besides a few business appointments, I spent more time goofing off and making plans. Now, I do have a list of “to do’s” on my calendar, but I’m not eager to jump in for some reason. I think it has to do more with entering unchartered territory. Suddenly, my black and white world appears muddled and gray. I know this is only a temporary state and once I find a handle to grab, I’ll run with it. But, right now I’m a lost, lost puppy.

Today, while fussing at myself for wasting yet another opportunity to dive right in, it dawned on me that it’s okay to be in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes, you need to sit back, plan, and be still. Today, I finally accepted that it’s okay not to “see” the staircase. I know I will move forward. I know the steps are there (probably right in front of me), but right now at this very moment the view is hazy—the visibility is zero.

The view out of my home office window shows me that the sky is hazy and gray too. Today, my inner and external worlds are on the same page. I suddenly feel the need to grab a good book, sit by the fire and munch on some popcorn. Today, I am not fighting my urges anymore. Today, I am surrendering to what I feel. Today, I will finally celebrate a major accomplish.

Hey, did I tell you I finished the first draft of my book? I did! I really did. Now, that's something to celebrate.

www.queenpower.com

Someone Asks Us to Be Real!

2004-11-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

Queen Me shares . . .

One of our subscribers e-mailed me privately and made an interesting observation. Here's what she said, "I'm hungry for a bit of in depth discussion, but forums lend themselves to brief, pat-on-the-top-of-the-head replies. I feel as if a 'real' conversation is out of place."

She graciously agreed that I could share her thoughts in the blog with the hopes of encouraging all of us (including me) to "get real." So, here's my pledge! I'm going to be "real." Now, of course, my blogging activities have put me out there more than I have ever ventured in the past. When I first started, my fears and concerns clouded my joy. But, with each word expressed, it's definitely gotten easier. So, now when I reply or add a new post, I will make every effort to be as real as I can be in the moment. Some days I'll respond from the surface and some days I'll dive in deep, but I do promise to respond in the way that feels right to me at the moment.

Okay, queens let's dive in. Here's to creating a meaningful gathering spot to share.

Heart Messages

2004-11-02T15:38:00.000-08:00

Queen Me thinks out loud . . .

Did you know that from 1989 to 2000, I was a lost puppy? That’s a long time to flounder, and flounder I did. There were times in this period that I felt lazy, unproductive, and useless. And, I’m being kind. Really! For example, I found it difficult to secure jobs that matched my abilities and experience level. We moved often. So, I practiced at it many, many times. This constant struggle took me to all-time lows. I remember at one point reaching out to temp agencies without any success. Following that, I was so convinced of my worthlessness . . . I mean, I didn’t even fit at a temp place! Eventually, I would find a job to endure for however long my husband stayed in one place. Sometimes, I changed positions on my own. Actually, I didn’t land softly until I found the non-profit world. But, that’s an entirely different story.

Did I have regrets, I would have to scream: “Yes! Yes! Yes!” And, I did. I wasted so much energy, but I didn’t know how to make changes. I clung to the past, while dreaming about things that were so far away I couldn’t see them clearly. Fear wrapped itself around me and kept me from moving forward.

Each time I found myself at the starting gate, I cowered back. Wouldn’t it be just like the other times I tried to step out? Why would this time be different? It was a long, slow march to myself and one with many false turns and missteps. As a matter of fact, I’m still marching. But, how did I reach this new place? In hindsight, it’s quite simple, actually. I got there with a little help from my friends. Friends I’ve met on-line, in forums, at the tennis courts, in my neighborhood and at work. Friends that I’ll never meet face-to-face, and others that live nearby. Friends that will hug me, laugh with me and celebrate my successes. That’s how I turned the tide. That’s how I finally found the place I was always meant to be. When I finally reached out to others, that’s when I started hearing the voice from within (you know, my heart).

Here's a wonderful quote from Prill Boyle's new book, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women. Prill is referring to the 12 late bloomers she interviewed for her project.

"Listening to their hearts turned out to be, in the long run, the most unselfish thing these women had ever done. They might not have made dinner for their families every night, but they inspired their children and the people around them. Without exception, they are now using their talents to help others. In the process of blossoming, in other words, these women have connected more powerfully than ever before with the human community."

www.prillboyle.com

Forum, Smorum. What The Heck?

2004-10-26T17:05:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares . . .

More than you might think, actually. My forum (message board) experiences have all been meaningful.

My first experience with communicating in a group format on-line was a professional association. I was a new member of the Professional Association for Résumé Writers (PARW) and was about 15 months from starting my résumé writing business, but started soaking up the knowledge then. Okay, I lurked around without saying a word, but I still gained much from the knowledge of others. I also recognized that I wasn't the only clueless newbie on the block. Yes, the resource was invaluable and I swear, subtracted years off of my ability to make a profit. Move forward a few years. Wrapped up in résumé writing, I pursued career counseling as an add-on business. Success! I found an on-line discussion group going on via Barbara Sher’s website. Barbara is an author of many "living your dreams," books. Although an intimate group, I found the ideal spot to gain information, support and advice. This time I didn't lurk. I actively participated too. As the years passed me by, I dabbled in a group here and there, but no matter, I always cherished the relationships I developed with the participants. It’s amazing how that happens, but it does. More recently, I found Dotsie's site: http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com and found another place to park myself (to chat, ask for advice and find support).

In all those places, I found a community of people offering advice, support and comfort to others. And, that’s what QueenPower.com would like to offer you—a comfortable spot to gather where queens will find other queens quick to offer encouraging words and share a little humor while offering a soft place to land. It’s our vision that not only will our forum provide fun, entertaining banter, but also helpful information and support. It's our goal to minimize your learning curve and provide resources that jumpstart your life with the added bonus of helping you build a network of friends. Check out our forum and you'll find folks walking along all different parts of their path. Some, as one of my Queen friends calls herself are "Almost There" and others are just beginning. Don't let what others are doing put you off. Instead allow the experiences of others to inspire you!

That’s our intent.

Ready to dive in, then please go to: http://www.queenpower.com/. You’ll see the link to the forum on the main menu or in the Queens Announce section.

Need more enticement, then continue reading.

Many of you have never participated in a forum or message board before and question the benefit. Hopefully, the information above answered your questions. If not, please do not hesitate to e-mail me at: queenme@queenpower.com.

Some express a lack of technical ability and are easily frustrated by the sign up process. We can help you, if needed. I’ll even sign you up, if you’d prefer. Then, all you’ll have to do is login (and I can help you there too). Please, don’t let “technology” stop you from joining us!

Others worry about posting and sharing on-line. Your basic information (name, e-mail) is hidden if you so desire. Create a fun Queen name (or whatever username you'd like) and your identity is perfectly safe. Only you will know who you are unless you wish to share. Some Queens will openly share their identity and others will not. We don’t care. We simply want you to participate and benefit from the forum.

Hopefully, your concerns have been addressed and if you are deciding to pass on the forum, it's only because the idea simply doesn't suit you. Hey, that's perfectly fine! We'll still love you anyway!!!

Again, if you have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at: queenme@queenpower.com. There are NO silly questions. I mean it.

For a Word document or text file of the instructions, please e-mail me at queenme@queenpower.com. Write Forum Instructions in the subject line.

Yikes! The Scales Go Higher and Higher and Higher

2004-10-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

Queen Me shares intimate details . . .

I absolutely hate the scale. It seems I've been struggling to find my perfect weight since 8th grade. Now, I don't know about you, but I think that's a really long time. Truth be told, I refuse to weigh anymore. So, what does that tell you? Although, never considered overweight in my early years, I now carry about an extra 15 pounds (okay, it's more like 20) since giving birth to my only child. And, that was 7 1/2 years ago. Please! I do manage to lose weight every now and then (that's where the idea of 15 pounds comes in, I think), but I never seem to be consistent and I can't stick with a "diet" for long.

Exercise is the only thing that keeps me in check now. But, I don't even want to talk about that. Right now, my thoughts about weight rules supreme and it really bothers me that I fret so much over it. One day, I'll figure it out or either I'll simply not care anymore. Either way, I'll let you know how it all turns out.

Before departing and ultimately wrestling with myself over what's for dinner, I'll include something I wrote a while back that I thought you might enjoy.

~A Message from a Sweet Potato Queen

Please note: Although a queen by virtue of her association with the Sweet Potato Queens, Carol Puckett Daily, is not associated with Queen Power’s team of Queens (you know, us).

While visiting my mother-in-law this weekend, I read an interesting interview in the Delta Magazine (http://www.deltamagazine.com. The founder and owner of the Everyday Gourmet in Jackson, Mississippi, Carol Daily, answered questions about being a Sweet Potato Queen. I loved the message and wanted to share with you.

According to Carol, “Jill Connor Brownie invited me to be a Sweet Potato Queen the very same year I was president of the Junior League in the 80’s. Most people, especially my mother, would not see the two roles as being compatible. I realized that being president of women’s organization was a real honor, but it was a one-year gig, whereas being a Queen was a lifetime appointment. For me, the best thing is the majorette boots.”

For those of you not familiar with the Sweet Potato Queens, check out the website: http://www.sweetpotatoqueens.com/.
The fun, crazy and sometimes “over-the-top” and “a-little- vulgar” Sweet Potato Queens have an outfit that includes majorette boots, thus Carol’s reference to the boots.

Carol continues, “When we first got them, I wore them for weeks—with business suits, skirts, dresses—whatever. In high school, I was never a majorette or cheerleader: I was the literary type. The boots are a symbol of how I believe we should embrace life. We don’t have to go through life recounting our deficits or being in therapy. Just buy your own boots and get out there and have your own parade.”

I like the way that Queen talks;).

But, You Gotta Have Friends

2004-10-20T16:46:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks . . .

Friends, friends, friends. Besides offering a warm cozy place to laugh, cry and moan, friends are also an excellent resource. Without a little help from my friends, I wouldn’t have stepped out of the box recently. Just yesterday, I was on the hunt for some wind pants—plastic pants (as I call them) that aren’t lined. I needed them for our upcoming winter tennis play. You see, we live in a community that does NOT have indoor courts anywhere! Simply due to timing, wind pants minus lining were NO where to be found. At the final stop, basically our last hope, my friend blurted out, “Buy the ones with the lining. I can fix them for you!” Wow, what a grand idea. As a domestically challenged individual, particularly in the realm of sewing, it never occurred to me that I could cut out the lining! So, with my a little help from my friends, we found a solution that I wouldn’t have discovered on my own. Heck, I’d still be looking for the wind pants.

Now, march ahead a day. I stop at Applebee’s to grab a quick bite to eat. I’m waiting for the dog to be shaved (that’s another story altogether) and Kinko’s to work their magic. Yep, I’m eating alone. Deciding I needed to go to the restroom, I marched to the back. Upon entering, I realized I had the place all to myself affording the opportunity to pick the cleanest stall. Exiting, I noticed a urinal and thought to myself, “How odd?” Pausing for only the briefest of moments, I quickly glanced around the room and said out loud to know one, “No, I didn’t do that, did I?” Grabbing the door, I looked for the sign. Yikes! I busted out of there and how.

See how important having a friend is? If I’d had one with me, I’d never been allowed to go in there in the first place. Or at the very least, I had a great story to tell after enduring that fiasco and would have probably had them all crying from laughing too hard.

Friends are Queens, Queens are Friends

Before I sign off. Have you noticed there are Queens popping up everywhere? Women, shops, restaurants? Yesterday, in the middle of looking for wind pants, we stopped at a café. Guess what the name of it was? Queenies. If we had stayed for lunch, I might have eaten a Queen Burger! Yep, that’s my kind of place.

Reign on . . .

Misery Turns to Idea!

2004-10-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

Queen Me tells all . . . (well, not really, but something personal)

Did I ever tell you that I had acne? It wasn’t minor, either. I had it bad! For over 15 years, I suffered. Not sure how others experience it, but mine came in bouts. I would feel the sluggish, heavy feeling coming and within days my face would start erupting. Many years later, my dreams warned me about the impending struggle and so, with a developed intuition, I would see the “yuck” coming.

When “it” first started, I sought help from dermatologists. I took strong drugs, like Acutane. And swallowed way too many antibiotics. Nothing worked, not the oral meds or the topical treatments. Basically, the acne was simply something to endure. During flare-ups I made myself look other people in the eyes even though I felt so hideous, ugly and unclean. Wearing acne was quite possibly the hardest thing I ever did.

Once, I visited a female dermatologist for help. She examined my skin and informed me, “This is the worst case I’ve seen in a very long time.” How do you respond to that? Devastated, I cried. Another time, a doctor said, “Let me see if you have more testosterone that other women.” Seeing an end to my misery, I agreed. My medical insurance covered the cost of the test and sure enough that was indeed one of my “problems.” Thrilled to finally have answers, I returned to the doc’s office. Guess what? There was nothing he could do me. I simply happened to be a great subject for his on-going research project. Dejected, I cried some more.

After ten years of torture, I gave up and quit going to the well-meaning doctors. I simply suffered without medical help. Interestingly, I discovered during that time that my bouts latest just as long and looked just as bad.

Of course, I didn’t come out of it unscathed. My acne gifted me with scars and brown spots (pigment damage from medicine, I suppose?). So, finally when my hormones decided to give me a break, I had leftovers spread all over my face. Thank goodness modern technology came to the rescue. Without too much expense, I was able to find other doctors that could “fix” my damaged skin and products that solved the discoloration.

Finally, relief.

Not sure why I felt compelled to share this today. Maybe, it’s because we all have something to bare—something to overcome. And, suddenly I realize. If there are other women out there right now experiencing pain because of acne (or its aftermath), then I am someone that can offer advice. You too, are someone that can offer support, assistance and help based on your own experiences. Life is about experiences and what you endure you usually know well (just ask my newfound friend Georgia Richardson, a.k.a. Queen of Experience). Recently, I have had many e-mail messages from women (just like you and me) that have experiences to share. Serendipity! Their experiences might be just what we need to hear. And, even if it’s just one of us, isn’t that enough?

Funny how words turn in to meaning something . . .

I had decided yesterday to start a discussion E-list on Monday—a means to get our community talking to each other computer-to-computer, word-to-word. And, only this morning I decided on the topic! It will be named (appropriately so) Queens Supporting Queens. Now doesn’t that make you smile? We can all help each other while helping ourselves. Okay, I’m grinning.

Look for how to subscribe in the Queen-zine and on the website. Yes, it’s coming sooner than you think!

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Join Queen Me and other queens at www.QueenPower.com. Gather in a place where women promote, support and encourage women. Don't wait till you're ready, have more time, or are a little older. Start living your best life now. It’s time for you to Grab the Queen Power!
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Chores! Bores!

2004-10-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks . . .

Here’s the deal. There are some chores that I simply hate. I put them off or tuck them away until finally I must face my disgust. Ha! Okay, here's the one I hate at the moment. It’s sorting laundry. Interestingly, washing and drying clothes really doesn’t bother me that much. But, putting them away (yikes!). I had a basket of clean clothes sitting around my laundry room for two weeks this time. After tiring of looking at the daily reminder, I stuffed the entire basket (clothes and all) in a coat closet. Ha! That worked for a little while. And, to make matters worse, with each washing the pile just grew bigger and bigger. Double yikes! Finally, this morning, I lugged the tall basket of clothes up the stairs (what was I thinking?) and got to work. Relief! Much better.

Of course, now there are already two or three loads piled up in the dirty-clothes basket for yet another round of wash, dry and sort. Ugh.

One more gripe and then I’ll move on. I despise cleaning floors. I think the “bad feelings” originated from my childhood. You see, that was usually my assigned task—sweeping and mopping. Now, if my mother reads this she’d probably laugh. In fact, I’m sure she’d wonder what the heck I’m talking about. Allyn, sweep or mop? Well, I did, but not without complaining profusely while swearing off that duty when I eventually ruled my own roost (make that queendom).

But, no matter, I still occasionally find myself with a broom or mop in hand. The Universe can be nice, though. I married a guy that doesn’t mind that particular chore and will often gift clean floors to me.

Today, I got an e-mail from columnist, Tracey Smith. Tracey writes about “downshifting.” Have you heard of it? Supposedly, our very own Queen Mother wrote an article for Tracey’s column this week.

The Queen Mother shares in the article . . .

“Downshifting means taking life down a few notches, removing yourselves from the rat race of a stressed out life, and turning overdrive into a thing of the past. Whether you leave the city or even the country, downshifting gives life a new flavor to be savored.”

To read her article and check out Tracey Smith’s column go to: http://www.frenchentree.com/fe-downshifting/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=1887

Queen Me is back . . .

You'll probably hear more about downshifting in the months to come. It's something being talked about on a grand scale. From the little research I've performed, you'll find many degrees of downshifting being encouraged. Some go so far as to grow their own food and make their own household items while others do things like downsize their cars. The positive aspect of the overall message is that you do have a choice about how to live your life and as a result many people are opting out of crazy schedules and work-dominated routines. It's a personal choice, but probably one worth invesigating if you feel off balance or overburdened.

I was reading Goal Sisters yesterday (the book I mentioned in the Queen-zine this week) and the authors (Ann Leach and Michelle Beaulieu Pillen) talked about the subject. Actually, they focused more on the idea of self-care, which in my opinion is very similar.

Throw in children, chores, work, domestic responsibilities, and extracurricular activities and you quickly realize how hard it is to find time for yourself. Here's what Ann and Michelle had to say about it in their book: "Self-care doesn't have to carry a negative connotation. Easier said than believed, right? Consider the following: 1. Being 'selfish' (or rather, taking time for yourself) can also mean taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually so that you can be a better mom, partner, friend, employee, sister, aunt and so on. 2. Self-care may mean shifting some responsibilities with grace as you make room in your life to achieve your own goals. 3. Making self-care a priority may improve your relationship with yourself--especially the part of you that walks through life like a robot and the part of you that doesn't know what you want because you haven't given yourself the luxury of ever finding out."

The Queen Mother adds . . .

As for being "selfish" to find "me" time, I find it essential to explore who you are to be able to give to the extreme we mothers have to every day. So no, it is not "selfish", but essential. I read to my children, take them to the library, do craft projects with them and drive them to ballet lessons. But when they are in school, it is time for me to work on what is important to only me (and I even got my hair cut again -- the second time in three months!) That's how I look at it!

If your tank is empty, you wouldn't attempt a long car trip, right? Well, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint tour. You need to sustain your energy over the long haul, not just for a weekend. It is not self-indulgent to want an hour to ourselves. It is a necessity. How many times have you witnessed parents snap at their children at the grocery story? Do you think it was because they had just gotten a massage or taken a weekend getaway with their partner? NO! They are stressed out, worried about money, sleep-deprived or stretched for time. At the same time, it is our responsibility to get what we need. Doing without in the long run serves no one, including ourselves.

Queen Me wraps this one up . . .

So back to where I started in the first place--chores, bores!

Yes, you have chores and other things that bore or frustrate you. Yes, you have responsibilities. But wrapped up in a busy, frenzied life is you. To move beyond the chaos, learn from Ann, Michelle, and Christine, or take time to investigate downshifting. But do take the time, it's important!

Okay, gotta run. I'm going to go looking for some self-care activities. And, on my way out the door, I'm going to hide the dirty clothes basket in the coat closet. Ah, yes. Much better:).

www.goalsisters.com/contact.htm (for information about the book: Goal Sisters)
www.queenpower.com (for information about the Queen-zine)

A Little Bit of This and Little Bit of That (Blog, Blog, Blog)

2004-10-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Queen Me doesn't say much . . .

Last night it was cold enough to light our first fire. My daughter was thrilled! I found it soothing and comfortable—very comfortable.

Today, I’m wearing a sweater and even had to put on socks to keep my feet warm. Yes, winter is coming and again, I find comfort.

Tomorrow, we’ll be adding another queen to the mix.

This dream sure has turned out to be fun. Each morning I awake joyful and eager to see what activity has occurred in cyberspace while I slept. Even though I don’t have the “you’ve got mail” tune, my little annoying beep tied to my selected screen saver setting is music to my ears. Daily women from all over the world are signing up. Although, understanding that the Internet is a global market, I never actually expected to have so much interest from abroad. So, that's been a fun twist.

As the Queendom expands so will our ability to help each other. And, that’s exciting too. Reign on. BTW, I’m in the market for a simple, inexpensive but tasteful tiara. I’d love to make them available on the site. If you know where I can find them, please e-mail me: queenme@queenpower.com.

Today, I’m wearing mine. Oh, I don’t know . . . just felt like it. Hope I remember to take it off before meeting the school bus this afternoon.

Busy, Busy Bee Am I

2004-10-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks . . .

We’re all busy, this I know, but this week I have been consumed with learning website stuff. It’s not easy. Okay, it’s not terribly hard either. But, oh my, the concentrating I HAVE to do. And, getting all this behind me is also rewarding. Now, I can return to what I really love, writing!

Fun, fun! We have found our Queen Mother! Watching the queendom grow is so much fun. I’ll be announcing who the new Queen is on Wednesday (in the Queen-zine).

Queen of Plan Be shares . . .

I loved reading about your adventures with your children (Queen Me and Angel Queen) and the theme about "quality time" in the last blog. This line about your daughter brought back happy memories. When my daughter Katie was 6 or 7, she had a similar series of meltdowns for the same reason. Our solution was that we would both get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning and have "cuddle time on the couch" together. This ritual lasted for a couple years until she matured a bit and gradually started to want to sleep in instead of cuddle. Such a short time to "set aside" in my busy day back then, and the bond it created comes in real handy now that she's 16.

Queen Me wraps us . . .

Well, speaking of children and quality time, that's my cue to get back to the den where my family is gathered eating popcorn and watching a movie. Don’t you simply love a rainy, fall weekend day?

High Roads Are Hard to Take

2004-10-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks . . .

Where do I start? Had another interesting e-mail. You know the kind that gets your blood boiling a little. Again, to protect the innocent (hhhhmmmm, had to think about that one a little), I will not name any names. But, boy, you should have read the first response I typed. Ouch! Then, a little angel tapped my shoulder and whispered in my ear. “Be nice!” It was actually more on the lines of asking me to “take the high road.” That high road can be so hard to swallow sometimes.

So, I took a few deep breaths and I again typed a response. Okay, much better. And, yes kinder. Of course, there were still a few jabs here and there sprinkled throughout. I decided to sleep on it. Before I even made it to bed, another angel tapped on my shoulder and she said, “Allyn, do you really call that the high road?” Darn it! I had to agree. I simply wasn’t there yet.

I quickly returned to my computer and typed out my final response. It read something like this: “I would be delighted to . . . Simply consider this a gift. Please send me the forms at your convenience.” Now, that my friend was the high road. I feel so much better. With this little lesson (oh, and I’m sure there will be many more to come), I learned it really doesn’t matter if the person high fives herself over my response. I can let her think that her threats and unkind words influenced me. They didn’t. But, in the grand scheme of things who cares!

Now, the trick will be to let it go and with this writing I have (goodbye!).

Speaking of angels, our very own Angel Queen has something to add. We now turn our focus to our children.

Angel Queen shares . . .

It's that dreaded call in the night of, " Mommy, I don't feel good; I'm so hot." So, I have been on call day and night with a sick child and things I want to get done are not getting done and I feel like if I am asked to play Bob the Builder one more time, I will lose it! And I realize that I am losing it; losing the moment which is a gift. A time to be with and play with a child who is growing so fast and who in a few years will not want to spend this much time with me. So, I am up in the wee hours of the morning to work and write and will unpack from my move between coloring and building with legos, and this child and I will live in the moment which has been given to us. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is out of sight as the song tells us. We only have today. This moment. I will enjoy the day (and night) with this child whom I love.

Queen Me wraps up . . .

How true. Recently, my seven-year-old daughter, Addy, has been trying to tell me something. Instead of using her words (as we talk about often), she used tears and whining. The meltdown happened for two consecutive days. Suddenly, my happy little girl didn’t seem happy anymore. Perplexed, I attempted to help her figure out the problem. Over the next couple of days, we had numerous discussions to try to uncover her pain. Pay dirt! Finally, she realized she needed to spend more one-on-one time with her father and me. My first reaction (again, me and my initial response) to this discovery was “You gotta be kidding me.” You see I feel very connected to my daughter and spend lots of time with her, and then briefly wondered where I would find even more time? But, I also realized that much of that time is within the scope of duty. Of course, Addy had the perfect solution, “Mom, let’s have mother/daughter time once a week!” I modified it a little and announced, “We’ll alternate weeks selecting the activity.” Addy loved this idea. “I’ll go first,” she chimed in, “I want us to paint together on the back porch!” Taken a little aback, I smiled. I mean, I was thinking elaborate amounts of time, driving here and there, spending more money. And, all my child wanted was to spend time with me. Returning to what Margaret shared earlier . . .

We only have today. This moment. I will enjoy the day (and night) with this child whom I love.

Productive, NOT!

2004-10-01T13:53:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks . . .

So, it’s Friday and very close to whistle blowing time, and I’m wondering what occupied my time all week? Actually, it was called FUN! Because I love what I do (writing, creating), I tend to work for fun. I know. That’s not good. With several opportunities to do something besides work this week, I took full advantage (tennis, party, another party, etc.). And, I still managed to get the Queen-zine out on time and signed up more newcomers to the Crown Me Club than EVER. This having fun thing, though, could seriously get in my way. Ha! And, instead of being rested as I plunge headlong into a weekend, I’m ready to take a nap. Yikes!

Take care and enjoy the next two days. But, most of all have fun.

Hurricane Survivor!

2004-09-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks . . .

The Angel Queen sent me an e-mail in response to my, "Did you survive this time message." Here's what she said:

"Allyn, what a storm!!! We are safe and just got our electricity back. It was off for almost 24 hours - not bad at all. The winds were the worst of it for me - just wouldn't stop - 18 hours straight of winds that were 50 to 75 mph gusting to 100 mph. I asked for help from the angels (to protect my house, car and the palm trees). We had no damage. Others here did - lots of screen porches destroyed and lots of things, heavy things, blown around. Trees down, too. Flooding, too. So much water and wind!"

So, yea! Maybe, after four hurricanes (count them), four, Floridians can rest easy (and all other folks in the path of the aftermaths). I read somewhere that the last time this happened it was in the State of Texas (around 1850's). Hopefully, we can wait another 100+ years before it occurs again.

Queen of the Courts & Organization

2004-09-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks . . . .

Well, we've got the trumpets ready to play! We've found the perfect Queen to fill our Queen of Organization spot. You'll be meeting her next week (picture, bio and all).

Just learned the company that sells the socks I talk about on the website (Queen of the Courts) is expanding into tennis outfits, tops and shorts. How exiciting to be able to provide queenly merchandise to you tennis player Queens. Not sure about this yet, but we're thinking of adding a Queen of the Courts forum. A nice little place for all you Queen of the Courts to discuss your latest victory or bagel. (Okay, this means you didn't win a game. Yikes happened to me just last week.)

Recently a story sent out via www.msn.com (articles for women) announced: Tennis, the sport of modern queens. Okay, the part about modern queens caught my attention. My tennis friends and I definitely consider ourselves queens! Well, like I shared on the website . . . we are "Queens of the Court", you know.

This little statistic floored me. According to Rachel Cohen (Lifetimetv.com), "Last year a whooping 5.9 million took up tennis for the first time--and about half of them were women." Although I've played since high school many of my peers started much, much later in life. When you actually pick up your racket for the first time doesn't seem to have any impact on how well you will be able to play. Many of my tennis partners and opponents actually started playing within the last five years and simply progressed up to higher levels of play.

So, here's my push . . . tennis is fun! It doesn't take a lot of money (racket, balls and shoes for starters). Plus, most communities have multiple community courts--meaning you can play there for free. And, you don't have to be an athlete to play well or win. It's exercise, but it's exercise all my tennis friends look forward to doing. I never moan about having to go to the court. Our reporter friend also shared: "Playing tennis burns a whooping 420 calories an hour and is truly a full-body workout, forcing you to use your abs, arms and legs while improving your flexibility and mental focus." It's open to everyone--all body types, sizes and shapes. I don't know of another sport (besides golf) that women can enjoy (and compete) for a lifetime. One day, I'll have to feature our oldest queen player in the Queen-zine. She's fabulous and regularly whips us by using her skill and finesse.

Go to www.tenniswelcomecenter.com for locations near you. Make it fun and talk your friends into doing it with you. Group lessons are much cheaper and make for a nice social gathering. According to the Cohen's article, "The United States Tennis Association (USTA) claims it only takes about four to six lessons to get proficient at hitting the ball."

Because of my husband's line of work, we move regularly. Always, I quickly find a new set of friends simply by finding a local group of tennis playing Queens! BTW, I'm hosting our almost monthly tennis gathering next Thursday and serving juleps (providing a little southern hospitality). I'll let you know how it all turns out. And, hopefully will see you at the courts!

Please Like Me

2004-09-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks...

Good morning! It’s good because the woodpeckers are not currently munching on my house. Anyone else have that problem? Not sure why, but those birds seem to only like to eat cypress in the fall?

Yesterday, I sent out the revised Queen-zine. Oops! It still needed a little extra attention. There were a few minor glitches. Oh well, you live and you learn. For those of you reading this that don’t get the Queen-zine, I’m taking a class to learn how to update my website. Because of this newfound knowledge, I can also send HTML e-zines to you (that means the e-zine resembles the webpage design). Other advantages are the ability to link to other sites, add pictures and jazz up the format. If you prefer a text version (meaning your e-mail system is set up to accept text only), that will still be available to you.

Anyway, by next week, I should be offering the new and improved version. Okay, at least I’ll try!

Lessons Learned
It’s been a very interesting week for me. And, one of those lesson times. It all started with the sliming I received on Monday (and a few other business-related issues) and then fretting over sending the Queen-zine out when it was (what shall I say?) less than perfect! Oh yeah, I forgot I promised myself I wouldn’t mention the sliming again. Oh well . . .

Here’s the deal. I don't know about you, but I’ve always worried about the opinions of others.

For example, my college years were very trying, specifically my freshman year. My first roommate left to return to Memphis and so I found myself needing another at mid-semester. I ended up asking the wrong person to be my roommate. Thank goodness our time together was short lived. She had a date at the alter and well, darn it . . . by May had to move on.

Not too long ago, I had a nightmare. I found myself back in college (freshman year) surrounded by one the former roommate and her friends. In the dream, the girls were ignoring me and treating me disrespectfully with the planned intention of excluding me and demonstrating their dislike. I was crushed. Hurt by their lack of caring, I couldn’t understand why on earth they didn’t like me. Why were they doing this to me and why was the situation so out of control? I cried uncontrollably. I begged the Universe to intervene. I asked for mercy. Nothing happened. But, then I heard a booming voice that seemed to originate from the heavens above me. Allyn, you cannot be liked by everyone. Let it go. Suddenly, I was at peace with my fears—concerns and pain magically disappeared.

The next day, I spent time thinking about the dream and what it meant. It just so happened that the dream was on the heels of me writing a piece about the need to be liked and appreciated. I’m not sure when I decided that I needed that from others, but somewhere on the road to maturing, I assumed it.

Consider what Caroline Knapp shared in her last book, titled Appetites: Why Women Want.

Like so many women I know, I grew up understanding that self-worth and likeability were inextricably linked, that a sizeable portion of my value would come from nourishing others: pleasing, avoiding conflict, concealing my own needs and disappointments.

Sela Ward expressed it too in her book Homesick. “There was lots of pressure to look perfect, and to be perfect—to live up to the unreachable ideal of womanhood.”

Even as recent as yesterday, I found myself wondering: Should I have written that? Should I have said that? Why did that lady send me that nasty e-mail? Will it ever stop—the sick little need to feel worth from the love or like of others—even strangers? Those little voices whispering to me—telling me to stop acting this way and that or else are voices from the past. Don’t be too pushy, too loud, too dominate. Those are all bad, very bad traits. Those aspects represent my shadow side. The dark part of me that if ever peaks out in the light of day makes me unlovable. Right? Isn’t that what we think? That if we show all of ourselves, then they, all the others, will run away. Yes, some might, but others will stay. I have to remember the message from my dream. You can’t be liked by everyone. It’s the truth—you just can’t.

Wayne Dyer said it best:

You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, then you’re abdicating (handing over) yourself.

Okay, so enough already! Of course, now that I've declared my intention, I'll receive many more opportunities to test myself. ~smile. And so it goes . . . .

Slimed!

2004-09-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks...

Yep, that’s what happened to me yesterday. It was disgusting. You might be wondering how in the world I got slimed? Well, actually I got “it” from another person. Someone I respected wrote me a nasty e-mail. To protect the innocent, I will not go in to details about it all, but needless to say the “mean” words stung. For about the first thirty minutes, I literally stopped doing anything productive. With the receipt of the e-mail about 24 hours behind me, I’m suddenly a little disappointed in myself. You see, I would hope to be above feeling bad after a good, old fashion sliming. But, obviously, words and opinions still affect me. Ouch! There’s a big chapter about the “good” opinions of others in the book I’m currently writing. But, writing about it doesn’t mean you actually solved your own issues! Darn it.

Okay, I’m going to admit more than I planned here. Immediately following the “hate” e-mail, I wondered what the heck am I’m doing anyway? Why bother? Why keep writing and writing and writing? Why continue to put myself out there and face yet another rejection. Why? Couple the sliming with a few rejection letters and quickly I moved to the “what in the heck am I doing?” place.

Divine timing, though, also played a role yesterday. Should I say here, “Thank God?” About the time I was ready to throw my computer out the window (ha!); I received a most timely e-mail message. Just a little gun shy by then, I was pleased to find my almost regular message from author Caroline Myss (http://www.myss.com/). Of course, she wasn’t writing me personally. Another darn! But, her message was timely, indeed.

Here’s what she said, “For instance, you may be directed to do something others perceive as foolish or useless. But what better way to become separated from the power of the opinion of others than to become the target of their critical commentaries while coping with guidance that only you can perceive? We are afraid to be criticized by others when, in fact, it’s something worth striving for. I mean, look around you. How many people do you see living flawless lives?”

Okay, so I felt better. Hey, it’s a good thing that woman slimed me yesterday. Right? Well, can’t really go that far with it, but now I feel so much better.

So, back to the nasty note and the moral of this little ditty (Okay, so it’s not really a song, but I liked the sound of “ditty”.).

Listening to others share their opinions is one thing, but allowing them to alter your course is another. I can’t tell you why I feel compelled to write, but I know that when I do I am happy. My way of writing and putting my message out there may be very different than someone else’s (so much so that they may feel the need to attack), but that’s okay. I’m listening to my heart, now. And, that’s all that really matters . . . .

Calling All Queens! Really

2004-09-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks...

Okay, we’re waiting on two Queens to answer the call! Ha! Yes, we’ve extended two invitations to prospective Queen Team members and should know early this week. But, don’t fret! We still have positions open with plans to add the following Queens to our team:

Entrepreneur Queen (The Entrepreneur Queen will offer business advice to women seeking to work-at-home, start a business or launch a project.)

Career Consulting Queen (This Queen will help individuals figure out a career direction while also being skilled in the arena of self-marketing for those seeking jobs or promotions.)

Mommy Queen (This Queen will offer advice to Moms.)

Health and Fitness Queen (This Queen will provide health and fitness information, monitor the weight loss or weight maintenance forum and provide quick health tips on a regular basis.)

Fashion Queen (This Queen will offer fashion tips for busy Queens.)

Organizational Queen (This Queen will help us get our lives in working order so that our work and play can be much more productive.)

We’re searching for experienced Queens to fill these positions and prefer someone already established in their field with a web presence.

●Please note that two Queen positions listed here might be filled by the first of next week.

To read about the other Queens already on board, go to www.queenpower.com.

And, there’s more…

We’re going to add a section to the Queens’ Product page for you! If you have something to sell, send us a proposal (basically, that means a brief description of your product, service and/or idea). Although, not planning to launch this phase of our site till early 2005, please send in your ideas as soon as possible because, if accepted, it will be on a first-come, first served basis. The costs will be minimal (with plans to have only a one-time fee to cover basic web expenses only).

And, that’s not all…

Quite possibly, what I consider to be the most important part! We’re going to add a forum for the Queens to help each other be, you know, more queenly! Based on experience, I know how helpful these message boards can be. When my partner and I started our resume and career consulting business, the professional message board we utilized jump started our business and quickly helped us earn profits. I'm convinced the exposure to the experts (and newbies) in the field significantly reduced the time it took us to learn the business.

The topics have been chosen with the idea to cover the areas required to help you live your best life. Of course, we’re open to ideas. So, don’t hesitate to e-mail us: queens@queenpower.com

Right now we’re considering the following topics.
1. Entrepreneur Queens (This topic will be monitored by the Entrepreneur Queen and Queen Me. The goal is to help any entrepreneur—whether startup or established—to improve their business and income possibilities.)

2. Queens with a Purpose (This topic will be monitored by Queen Me, the Career Coach Queen and the Angel Queen. The intent is to build a discussion thread that will help you discover meaning and purpose in your life and get you to a place where you’ll need the Entrepreneur Queens board!)

3. Mommy Queens (This topic will be monitored by the Mommy Queen and the Yoga Queen. This discussion board will be geared towards living a balanced life while effectively fulfilling all your roles such as mom, wife and breadwinner.)

4. Healthy Queens (This topic will be monitored by the Health and Fitness Queen and the Yoga Queen. Here you’ll be given advice on a variety of health issues—weight, exercise, yoga, diet, vitamins, herbs.)

5. Queens that Dream (This topic will be monitored by Queen Me. The goal of this topic is to help you accomplish your goals, dreams and desires. Here you can share your passions and ask for help, hints and advice from the Queens and readers. Occasionally, other Queens will jump in to help round out the discussion.)

If you are wondering where the Fashion Queen fits, we’ll don’t worry. Although, we’re not creating a forum for her, she’ll regularly supply short blurbs on what’s in and what’s not and how you can look stylish without blowing your budget.

For now, that’s it…

Whew! I’m thinking that’s enough:). Can’t wait to see how all this turns out. And, all I have left to say is . . .

Here’s to finding your tiara, and you know, wearing it!

Where Does the Time Go?

2004-09-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks...

In Invisible Acts of Power : Personal Choices That Create Miracles, Caroline Myss tells us, "Nothing is impossible for you when you have faith—in yourself and in your purpose." Instantly, I thought: "Wow! She's so right."

But, I think back only 12 months ago and I would have had a totally different response. I would have read that and said, "Whatever!"

You see, I think that's part of the problem with so many of us. I would rant and rave at the Universe: "What is my purpose? Help me understand." I didn't know. Didn't have a clue, actually. Continually, I felt as if I was hitting one brick wall after another. I'd pick myself up and walk one way. Ouch! Then, another. Bang. I'd have this great idea and then a few days later think of something even better. I was all over the map and all my inspirations (about purpose) were hollow and empty. I never ended anywhere. For over a decade I ran in circles.

Everytime someone says, 'God, please help me,' the universe hears. The gods (God) may let you practically drown before they respond and send you a boat—because you are in this Earth School to learn how to build a boat and how to row it—but they will respond.
—Caroline Myss

Okay, so that's comforting to know, but while you're mired in the mess of it all, it's hard to recognize that God is helping you. Of course, your being helped, but sometimes it simply doesn't feel that way. The interesting thing is that most of our inability to help ourselves is our own doing. Basically, we get in our own way. Just like the friend who keeps telling me her purpose in life is to help other women lose and maintain weight.

"Hey Allyn," she says when I pick up the phone. "I've found my perfect occupation. I met this man today that sales real estate and he said that I am perfect for the field." I respond by saying, "Hello! What does that have to do with women and weight?" For whatever reason (and I'm a perpetrator too), we can't focus long enough to get results.

If you like thinking in Angel terms, can you imagine the angels frustration when they try to help us? In deep prayer and with sincere meaning we pray, "Dear God (and angels) help me launch my website for women trying to lose weight." Celebrating, the angels start swirling around their magic dust in that direction. A couple of days later, we tell our husband (which just happens to be within hearing range of our angels): "Okay, I finally know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get my real estate license!" The angels scurry around shaking their heads wondering what else they need to do to get our attention. But, they help us anyway. Knowing full well that in less than six months we'll abandon that pipe dream because it simply doesn't suit us. They figure learning about what we don't want might actually help us return to our purpose.

At the end of the six months, sure enough, we are unfulfilled and seek something else. Briefly, we think about what we really want to do, but quickly talk ourselves out of it. I don't have money to launch a website. It's crazy to think that other women would listen to me. I'm too fat to help other women. Yep, just like I thought, the idea is stupid.

Again, we go looking for something safe. Safe, though is not really the safe way to go. You see, if you go down the safe road you take a longer journey to your destination.

So, what's my point. Take the time to discover your purpose. Download my free eBook Catch Your Dream: And, Live It! Or, read someone else's book (like Barbara Sher, Caroline Myss, Marianne Williamson). But, take the time to figure out what you need to be focusing on. Because it's simple. You will not be happy until you do. Really, it's that simple. Once you take this path and daily strive towards something that provides meaning to you, you will wonder what took you so long. For me, even on the supposedly bad days when nothing goes right, all is right in my world because I'm doing what I am here to do. That's it. A joy that previously eluded me, surrounds me and keeps me grounded even when my external world seems crazy.

If nothing else, understand and appreciate that most people find great reward (and meaning) from helping others. If you can't pinpoint exactly what you are supposed to be doing, then start helping others face-to-face. And, here's another Myss quote I couldn't resist: I rarely meet people who want to retire from a meaningful life. Think about it!

I'll leave you with one final statement from Caroline Myss (and, I'm still only in Chapter One!):

I want to help you realize that no matter how much money you have, no matter what sex, race or age you are, you do have power. You can make a difference in your world and in the life of every single person you encounter.

www.queenpower.com

Victorious!

2004-09-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

Queen Me celebrates a small victory...

Just had to share my success with you. Yippee! I figured it out and now have my photo included on the profile section. Although, it's got a tail end of a letter in there (from my website), I'm impressed with myself;). That's all. Back to my relaxing weekend. Oh, guess I forgot to mention the sick dog! What a mess. Yikes. My wake-up call arrived early this morning (around 5:00 a.m.). Thank goodness I have this little product called Pet Odor.

P.S. Extended two invitations to prospective Team Queen members on Friday. I'll let you know the results as soon as I know something.

You Caught Me Goofing Around...

2004-09-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

Queen Me speaks...

Okay, here I am trying to figure out how to move pictures to the blog. And, I impressed myself:). I figured out how to insert a photo in the actual body of the blog. Okay, so the truth here . . . I was actually trying to insert the photo into my profile area. Oh well, I'm one step closer to doing that than I was yesterday!

Anyway, I like the idea of being able to share photos with you and will start doing that when the opportunity presents itself. I'm thinking you must see the photo of the Queens of the Court, my tennis team. Interestingly, prior to my arrival to Oklahoma, the Queen of our tennis group already had her throne. The group called themselves "the Queen's team." Last year, we formed a competitive team and well, selecting the name was a no brainer. You should see our Queens of the Court socks . . . complete with a tiara.

Off to enjoy the rest of my weekend . . . tennis anyone?

Yippee!

2004-09-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's official. I've been approved as an editor for Suite 101. Check out the site and see all the goodies being offered (www.suite101.com).

My stuff will be featured soon. The topic is mighty fitting:). You got it! It's Grab the Queen Power: And, Live Your Best Life!

Have a good weekend. I know I will. Not much planned, but those usually turn out great too.

It's Good To Be Queen No More...

2004-09-09T13:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, here’s the deal. We changed our domain name (website and URL). When we discovered that it was in our best interests to do so, I sulked:). Let’s face it, making a major change like that means spending more time and money. But, with the mounting evidence out there, it seemed the smartest thing to do.

You see, there is this other Queen out there who had already launched a very similar site: ItsGoodToBeTheQueen. When we started the project, her site was small and appeared very limited. The Queens in charge decided our two paths wouldn’t cross and all would be fine. Well, sometime this summer, the Queen of Lakewood was featured in Ladies Home Journal and (Wow!) her traffic picked up considerably and now she’s talking book. Okay, so now our paths are crossing (according to my attorney).

Also, she (bless her heart) beat us to the punch on obtaining a trademark for her name and since inception date is the real key factor here (again, she was one step ahead of us;), we made the decision to abandon ship!

Oh yes, it was a little painful for me. Letting go of my “baby” wasn’t easy to do. But, let go I did. And, the Queens think we’ve out done ourselves this time. See, forced changed isn’t always a bad thing. Since the Queen of Lakewood is also very queenly, she didn’t “force” us to change, but we, let’s say, saw the writing on the wall. Therefore, we made this WONDERFUL decision on our own.

Anyway, the new name is: http://www.queenpower.com/

So, what do you think?

P.S. Looks like I’ll be an editor on http://www.suite101.com/. I’ll let you know when it’s official.
P.P.S. If you are a mother of all boys, check out www.itsgoodtobethequeen.com. You might like what you find. Looks fun to us:). But as my daugther would say, "Mom, there's just one problem . . . " We queens have girls too!

Surviving the Hurricane

2004-09-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

The Angel Queen shares . . . .

We came home on Monday at lunchtime through pouring rain and tornado reports. Monday afternoon, we walked out into the sunshine to feed the ducks and turtles in the pond near our house. Our electricity was off, had just gone off Monday morning. It came back on Monday about 10 pm. No damage to our home, car, or the beautiful pine trees. (I am thankful they did not fall into my bedroom or living room!)

Queen Me speaks . . . .

Whew! More later. . . .

What's Next?

2004-09-07T11:23:00.001-07:00

Queen Me talks . . . .

It's been one of those times. You know, wondering when more bad news will come your way. Although, a true optimist, the last several weeks have been trying. Yep, it primarily has to do with my mother-in-law and her recent cancer diagnosis. We visited her over the weekend to keep her company while she waited for her fast-approaching surgery. I bet she'd tell you that it wasn't fast enough and that she is ready for tomorrow to quickly pass. Me too! My greatest wish, though, would be to remove all her anxiety. If only I could hold it for the next 24 hours. Let her rest peacefully while waiting. But, I can't. My inability to relieve her suffering is painful.

The Angel Queen report . . . .

As soon as I hear from the Angel Queen, I will let you know. Turns out she moved to Florida on the heels of Hurricane Charley and arrived just in time to greet Hurricane Frances.

Queen Me wraps up . . . .

Okay, tomorrow (or the next day~grin), I promise to return to my normal cheery self.

For a good cause . . . .
BTW, received an e-mail from an Queen-zine subscriber describing what the makers of M&M's are doing these days. And, it's a repeat performance. The makers of M&M candies have teamed up with theSusan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation to raise funds through the sale of their pink & white M&M candies. Special bags of M&M's will be on sale in September, October and November, 2004. (The bags are clearly marked). For each 8-ounce bag of the special candies sold, the makers of M&M (Masterfoods) will donate 50 cents to the foundation.

Of course before passing this on to our readers, I checked the announcement out on: www.http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org. Whenever you receive something via e-mail, always check it out prior to sending it to all your friends:). The site is easy to use and navigate.

Running Simply To Stay In One Place

2004-09-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

Queen Me talks...

Maybe you don't know this, but I'm writing a book. This summer, I had a great time interviewing 10 women ranging in age from 50 to 100.

My dear 100-year-old friend shared an angel story with me. I'm digressing here, but her angel tale moved me so. Annie told me, "I was sitting on my bed and three of the most beautiful creatures you have ever seen were flying over my head. Their colors were vibrant--purple, blue, pink and red. One flew down and knelt on the ground before me, placing her dear little hands on my knees. I reached for her, but grabbed air. The other two came towards me while holding hands with a man wearing a gold crown. Lately, they've been coming more often fluttering above my head." Later that visit, she told me she was ready to go home. With the sudden appearance of angels in her waking life, maybe home is not too far away.

Today, though, I'm more interested in sharing something that "Pinkie" told me. Pinkie is an 83 year old woman, ex Navy gal, that loved to talk about the Red Queen in Alice and Wonderland. Worried about all her children, which included me at the moment, she said, "Here's what the Red Queen said to Alice, 'My dear child you have to run everyday so very, very hard just to stay in the same place.'" Pinkie continued by saying, "You've got so many choices. Today, you can be anything you want to be. But you've got to experience life. Somedays, like the Red Queen, you've got to run and run and never catch up. But, one day you will be in your eighties and have to look back. If you can attain at the end of your active life the knowledge that you gave it your all, you will be successful."

Yoga Queen jumps in . . . .

Okay, so I'll have to remember that the next time I'm in the middle of a normal day, but waiting till I'm 80 is such a long, long time. Ha! See, I have three children under 10. Of course since July, I've been waiting for school to start. Well, thank goodness for Labor Day Holiday so we can sleep in! Church? Ha! That's when we can all catch up on our sleep! And, when is that next summer break? Now my days are filled with stressing about car pools, getting to school on time, cafeteria duty, library duty, supply room duty, pooty duty! Ha! Does it ever end? Did I fail to mention that I squeeze working in there somewhere? Yes, in a wonderful, relaxing aromatherapy bath--any salts will do. Calgon, take me away . . . .

This Red Queen is tired:).

Queen Me wraps this one up . . . .

Of course, we all have Red Queen days. I try really hard to avoid them, though. Later, we'll find a Queen for our site that can help us all do a better job of streamlining our lives. But for now, hopefully the next time I'm in the throws of a long, long run (figuratively speaking, mind you), I'll try to remember Pinkie and her sparkling eyes. You see, I believe that Pinkie got it right.

And, now we're signing off for a long weekend break. Hope all you other Queens will do something fun or at least pamper yourselves. Later . . . .

Roller Coaster Ride

2004-08-31T22:07:00.000-07:00

Queen Me talks . . . .

Okay, so I haven't gotten on a roller coaster (unless kiddie rides count) for a long, long time. My Monday, though, turned out to be just that. The good news came in the morning from my accountant. I owe no taxes this year (seems we finally got the withholding stuff figured out:). The bad news arrived in the afternoon. My mother-in-law has cancer.

So, as we continue to ride the ride we go up and down. Sometimes we scream, sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry. Occassionally we step off the ride, and we find ourselves living. And I think, seeking the same things--joy, peace and love.

Yoga Queen shares . . . .

As I looked back upon my day, I recognized how my emotions ran the gamut from peaceful to happy to frustrated to feeling love to anger to that pit in your stomach thinking I had missed a deadline. And then I came across this quote by Buddha: Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all. Hmmm . . . something to think about, for sure!

The Blogging Officially Starts Now! Yikes . . . .

2004-08-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

This blogging thing has been on my mind for awhile. So, today I officially start. Other Queens will be joining me soon (stay tuned). To date there are three of us, but soon we'll be adding to our ranks. If you are curious about the overall plan, go to the website for details (www.itsgoodtobequeen.com).

I had to share this quote:

Inside of me,
there's a thin woman
crying to get out . . . .

But I usually shut the
bitch up with cookies.

Something about that moved me deeply~grin.

Like I said, stay tuned because the Queens are about to get this blog rolling. We'd love to hear from you via the comments section or you can e-mail us at: queens@itsgoodtobequeen.com

It's Good To Be Queen. Really

2004-06-23T06:55:00.000-07:00

I guess you heard me come in. I was trying to be very quiet. Stepping out in the world with all my words is a little scary. For a long, long time I've kept them hidden. With the launch of a new web site scheduled in July (or maybe August;), I'm about to be putting *it* all out there.

Drum roll please. That one was for me. Okay...here I go.

Now, there's another that will be for you. This drum roll will announce what my blog, website and upcoming book are all about.

Drum roll please. Or would you prefer a trumpet to play? Now, imagine with whatever musical instrument you selected that you are hearing a booming voice announce for all to hear. . . .

You are cordially invited to become a Queen.

More about how to become one will be shared later ~grin~

Really? Yes. Ah yes, “it’s good to be Queen.” It is good to be a Queen. It’s wonderful to possess queenly powers. The Queen archetype is all about personal power. Recognize it, demand it and demonstrate your ability to be yourself—to claim your own personal power. When you think Queen, you think all-powerful, ruler. The Queen knows. E-zine Queen, Coupon Queen, Decorating Queen, Tennis Queen. The title tells you—mastery. A woman called a Queen has mastered something—she is the expert. She rules! We all recognize that ruling something has its many rewards. Ruling equals money, comfort and recognition. Ruling equals success. Together we will find your success and make you a Queen in your own right.

Being a Queen means not accepting an ordinary life!

Of course there will be much more to come. Join me for a ride. It's bound to be a fun one.